I have so many ideas and the desire to create is almost insatiable. I knit. I LOVE to knit. And I am currently taking spinning lessons. Frustrating, but I know I willl love it once I get the hang of it. And I also long to sew. I finding and ocllecting so many simple patters that I can't wait to try out. In addition to that, I'm scratching out ideas for crafts for the kids. I want to try to make our simple daily doings fun and holidays memorable. I want to read and learn. I want to bake!...I love to bake. I want to make daily bread. I want to spend more time outside and not be afraid or hesitant about taking all the kids out.....and ENJOY it! I want to be organized and dutiful in my daily chores. I want to write a book. I want to raise alpacas for fiber....and perhaps other fiber animals: sheep, llamas, rabbits, etc. I want a "fiber farm" (I think?). ;-) I want more land....maybe 8-10 more acres. I want horses at some point. I want (somehow) for John to be home with us everyday....work here....somehow have this place pay for itself.
I want to run a marathon before I have another baby. I'd like to have a few more kids....call me crazy but we LOVE being parents and having a full house is a wonderful thing. :-)
I know. I know. You all are probably thinking, "Your crazy!....never going to happen...you want too much....your being too idealistic or naive...." etc. etc. And my mother is probably going to call me after reading this and tell me I've gone off the deep end.
The truth is, my husband wants the same things. And two people as united as we are who share the same aspirations....well, I feel as though the sky is the limit. And we've made very positive steps in the right direction.
Back up a minute....
In the short time we've been married, John and I have lost a lot materially and financially, but what is infinitely more painful is the loss of loved ones....the loss of time with them. Time to share....time to love....time to get to know. We have lost the time and gift of future with them. But we are so grateful for the time that we had and the memories shared. The QUALITY of that time we had. Time NOT spent in front of the TV or on the phone or staring at a computer screen. It is the time and memories of holidays and family traditions, summer days by the beach, long September days in the kitchen canning the fruits of the summer, hours on the patio staring at the stars and enjoying eachother's company, celebrating life with baptisms and weddings and the bittersweetness of funerals, long walks and conversations that always end with a deeper apprecriation and understanding for eachother and who we are, hours upon hours in the woods hunting or on the lake fishing, memories in the garden. So many many things to be grateful for.
It is the loss and intensified gratitude that instills a longing in our hearts to be home....to be together....to make each day count....to "pass on" the love, memories, and traditions......Preserving Love.
No insane amounts of great wealth.
No fame
No vacation homes or fancy vehicles
All we want is to be home...together....with the people we love and the things we need. Nothing more.
Is that too much to ask for?
I honestly don't think so.
What is it YOU want?
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I thought I wanted to HAVE more than I really needed. I prayed for that for two whole years and the prayer seemed to be unanswered.
ReplyDeleteAbout two months ago I had one of those REAL moments when God asked me "Do you really want that? " and I "blurped" an honest answer "No Father, I just want a REAL Life". Yes, I want the house to be paid off and, to me, that would be enough and I think that your family should adopt us so we would live traditions together, I just don´t feel I have the inner energy to do it and I know that Bob would LOVE IT!....I love that you have all those wonderful dreams of a Simple and Real Life....I pray that God will always listen to your heart.
Done! You are now and forever more part of our family. You know what that means?....visits, holidays, celebrations, etc. ;-) YAY!
ReplyDeleteI think that God is the one that places those desires in my heart. I NEVER thought I'd be at this point of wanting to do all this. Never. I wanted school, maybe a career, a social life, "culture", travel, etc. That is what I thought I wanted....and then I found myself CHOOSING this. Choosing it....and LOVING it.
And it really fits you. The other day I was having a coffee with your mom and she told me how you used to play with your little kitchen next to her big kitchen. So while she was cooking you cooked too and the told me how you loved it and you made your brothers play tea party and only then they could eat the cheerios you had in little boxes....When you was little you knew what you wanted. Your heart knew it. Then, you and I as many adults do, forget what truly makes us happy and we pursue other dreams that are ok, but are not our dreams. One day I told Bob " the American dream is not my dream" Bigger, faster...better....it seems attractive for a while but then, it is boring because there is always a bigger, faster and better thing....so I don´t care. Others can have that dream.....if it makes them happy.
ReplyDeleteAbout the adoption process hahahahahahah....that is funny, you will have to talk with my social worker....hahahahahahahahahahahaha.
THis is beautiful Theresa! It proves that when you go through suffering the loss of a loved one it opens your eyes to God's blessings. You have an incredible outlook on life!
ReplyDeleteI am with you...if I can have my boys I can do without just about anything:)
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