Part Two

The second part of my resolution:

Doing what I am told.

Yikes. Even harder than follow-through sometimes. John is strong, traditional, and extraordinarily tolerant. He very rarely TELLS me what to do. We have a very open and fair relationship in regards to decision making and parenting and the like. He is not at all controlling or manipulative or invasive or anything like that. But I have found myself pushing him to cave on some things that he would prefer to have the final say on. Does that make sense? For example, recently our clothes dryer died on us. And with it being holiday time, funds are very limited…..none existent actually. I knew this. I’ve been making-do for over a week now. I hang our clothes on hangers next to the fireplace and drape them over every chair, railing, window hardware, etc that I can find. There is literally laundry everywhere in our house. John sent me out to the local appliance store to check out prices on new dryers. I found the matching dryer to our washer and it happened to be the last one in stock. I expressed to the store owner (who was helping me) that we didn’t have the money today but expect to be able to purchase it before the end of the month. He said they’d hold it for us or we could apply for financing. I explained that we would prefer not to go into debt for a dryer and will be paying cash just as soon as we can save enough for it. He left me for just a couple minutes and came back with an offer. He explained that though a dryer isn’t the end of the world, he understands a woman’s need for such an appliance especially with 3 at home and 1 on the way. He himself came from a family of 12. He “gets it”. And he also appreciates people who save for the things they need/want instead of always buying on credit. He said that they don’t do it a lot, but he’d like to extend an interest free in house finance option and get the dryer out to us within a day. My jaw dropped. I told him I needed to speak with John and would call him back. Wow. I was shocked. I went home to explain the deal to John. Though he appreciated the gesture, he really didn’t want to owe anybody anything and said we need to turn down the offer. You can imagine that everything in me was screaming NO!!!! I wanted that dryer now! We knew we could have the funds before the end of the month. The store owner was extending a courtesy that most could not refuse. And John still wouldn’t budge. I didn’t say anything. I just sat there. John knew I was stewing and pushed me to share what I was thinking. “I am trying to do what I am told,” I replied. I couldn’t push him on this. I knew if I did he would cave. It wasn’t that he didn’t want me to have a dryer or that he wanted more work for me to do around the house. It was simply the fact that he didn’t want to owe anyone anything. He’s worked so hard to get us out of debt and the thought of jumping right back into it no matter how small it may be was not something he was willing to compromise. *sigh*……he is a good man!
He pushed me some more and I tried to gently explain my thoughts without trying to convince him to change his mind. I could tell that this simple situation was causing him much stress. I knew he wanted me to have what I needed but he couldn’t compromise. So I had to change my attitude about it. I gave myself a few minutes to pout by myself. Then I picked up the phone a made the call. John heard it. When I hung up and returned to John, I could immediately sense the burden lifted off his shoulders. He smiled at me and said, “I am so sorry. But thank you so much.” Stress gone. I felt better too. So what if I had to go another couple weeks without a dryer. Better the dryer than the stove/oven or the dishwasher or something. And emasculating my husband for the sake of getting what I want is not a road I wanted to walk down.
This is just the most recent. But over the past month there have been many instances in which I held my tongue and let him make the decision. I’ve realized that it can’t be about me getting my way all the time. Even in the little things. It is amazing what this little resolution has done for our relationship! I have to trust that my husband seeks to know and do what is best for our family. And in little things like ordering takeout or not ordering takeout, spending more on Christmas or not, getting the dryer today or not, finishing one of his projects instead of mine, etc…..pushing for my way isn’t worth it. I know in the past some of the bigger things I have pushed him on have been detrimental to our family and our relationship. So I can personally vouch for my own bad judgment in impulse decision making and lack of objectivity.
Back to the story….
I get a call the next morning around 8am from the store owner. He said he found himself awake at 4:30am thinking of us. In his 45 years of business he had never had anyone turn him down on a “no strings attached” gesture that he offered us….and for the reason my husband gave. He was a bit impressed and wanted to make sure we understood that the offer was open should we change our mind. “Pay me back when you can,” he said. “I appreciate a hard worker such as your husband and I don’t want to pressure him into something he doesn’t want to do, but just let him know the offer stands with no strings.“ Geesh. I spoke with John at work that day and told him. He’s a little bit more open but still hesitant. I imagine it will be a few weeks yet.