Why Did We Chose the Natural Way?

I thought I’d begin my many upcoming natural childbirth posts with Hayden’s birth story. It really set the pace for my/our passionate view on the subject. And I say ours because my husband John may just be more passionate about the subject than I am. If it were up to him, I’d give birth outside with only him attending. Seriously. He’s pretty hardcore.

Anyway, a jump back in time……

We found out we were pregnant with Hayden shortly after Valentine’s Day 2005. We were ecstatic. A little stunned like most first parents get, but so happy. I remember we were watching The Last Samuri, eating pizza, and drinking beer. I suspected perhaps I was pregnant but I wasn’t quite late yet and I figured that a possible last night of beer sounded like a treat. We paused the movie for a bathroom break and John says, “Well…you gonna pee on the stick or not?” He was just a little anxious. I was nervous. I came back with the test screaming “pregnant”. John beamed ear to ear for about a week. I was happy and filled with so many questions. The next day I spent hours in Barnes and Noble picking out about 3 different pregnancy books, I perused the maternity section at Old Navy, and picked up some ice cream. As I read through the books I began to get more nervous than excited. Reading about labor and delivery made me scared. Like seriously scared. And episiotomies?! Geesh! I was ready to opt for a c-section instead of risk tearing or being cut. Actually, the more drugs the better. I was convinced. There was no way in hell I was going to be able to handle what was inevitably going to happen to me.

I asked the few friends I had who had had babies already and their birth stories were horrendous. Not one single friend I talked to told me about a wonderful birth experience. Not one. I figured I was destined to suffer tremendous amounts of pain, my body was going to get the beating of it’s life, and if I didn’t use the drugs I would probably die (sarcasm here) or never have any more kids.

I resigned myself to this mentality and accepted the inevitable. Until about half way through. I became aware of a rare syndrome that John has. I can’t even tell you the name but it has something to do with his body not being able to absorb pain medication normally. Apparently when he had his tonsils out he stopped breathing and his heart rate dropped. That is when they discovered his sensitivity to certain anesthetics and pain meds. I’m not a doc so I can’t really say anything more than that with certainty. Anyway, this scared me. What if this rarity was passed on? What if this baby had a similar sensitivity? All the books said that those laboring drugs don’t effect the baby, but to me that didn’t make sense. If I couldn’t drink or smoke during pregnancy because of the alcohol and tobacco in my bloodstream being passed right to the baby, then what about those drugs that are directly squirted into my veins. Why would they be exempt from being passed too…even in miniscule amounts. This was my logic. And to this day it makes sense to me. But apparently I’m probably just over thinking it.
Anyway, this was where my mind went. This made me more scared then the physical pain, abuse, and ripping that my body would take. We began to research natural laboring techniques. The Brady Method took front stage. We wanted to talk to other people who sought natural childbirth as well. There weren’t any classes. Our doctor laughed at us and told me I shouldn’t try to be super-woman because most woman can’t handle it. He totally disregarded our medical concerns. Plus, John made the point that woman gave birth without drugs for centuries, what makes women nowadays any different. ? Good point. I was getting close to my 28 week mark and I still hadn’t signed up for a birthing class or even found one that I wanted to take. That’s when someone suggested looking for a doula or maybe a midwife to attend the birth to help keep things natural and calm. I was open to that. The first one I called was super sweet and invited us to attend her birthing class that started that same week. Just our luck!
Our first birthing classes were so awesome and motivating! Who knew that women could do this most spectacular thing!. And walk away not only alive but empowered, happy, and wanting to do it again! Who knew?! I certainly didn’t. But then I remembered a particular family I babysat for in high school. They had like 5 kids…all at home! That to me was crazy. It was crazy then and it sounded crazy still but somehow my mind started wondering… “could that be the answer? Can I really do that? They talk about it so lovingly. Should we talk about it?”
In early September we decided it was time to tour the birthing ward at the hospital. I knew that if I was going to successfully give birth without drugs, being relaxed and calm was of the utmost importance. And comfort. Not being distracted by my surroundings, being able to focus, not being disrupted or pushed to hurry up, etc. These were important and I understood that. After touring the birth ward, asking questions, and pretty much being laughed at again by the nurses, I looked at John as we walked out and said, “I can’t do it there.” It was then that we openly discussed the possibility of a homebirth. He was concerned about my pain tolerance. I was concerned that the midwife wouldn’t be available and what our families would say. Well, the midwife was available and coached us during those last weeks, I knew that if I could mentally prepare myself then physically I could do it, and we told no one of the homebirth except a couple friends we knew would be supportive and not question us. My mother knew simply because I needed to tell someone close. She had her reservations and we talked about it. But ultimately she respected our decision, trusted that everything would be fine, and supported us wholeheartedly. I love her. I’m pretty sure my dad knew too as she can’t keep too many things a secret from him. J
And so it was final. We were doing a homebirth. And we were excited! A bit naïve about the whole thing, but aren’t all first time parents?

This is how the whole natural childbirth passion came about for us. It was a sort of “have to” in our minds. When in actuality it wasn’t…at all. But that’s okay. Because having a successful homebirth the first time around set the pace for the rest.

The actual birth story in the near future.