In my life I’ve experienced the gentle wave of friendships coming and going…getting stronger and then fading away. I understand this happens in most friendships. I’ve experienced it. I’ve seen it in the lives of family members. It happens. In hindsight it makes sense. But during those strong moments you can’t ever imagine not being friends with that person. Then life happens, children, moves, change of life, etc and you find your self looking ahead to new things and saying goodbye doesn’t seem so hard. But what happens when a friendship ends abruptly? What happens when a discussion is opened and you realize that it will only continue to spiral out of recognition? What happens when you realize over half of the time you’ve been friends with someone, they’ve been assuming…judging…and never asking for truth or clarification.? And when given truth and clarification ultimately they end up sticking to the assumption/judgments in the first place. What happens then? Do you fight to hang onto a friendship or do you cut your losses?
Friendships should be mutually beneficial. Like most meaningful relationships in a person’s life, a strong true meaningful friendship ought to bring good out of those involved. What good would be had if fighting for a friendship continued to result in wrong assumptions, bad judgment, slander, etc.
I closed the door on a friendship today. Partly on my own but mostly because my husband insisted. I tend to want to fix things…relationships. It isn’t necessarily a good trait I have. But I tend to try to do everything I can to make things right. This time - though it wasn’t as clear to me as it was to John and a few others - there wasn’t anything more to be done or said. It hurts. It’s hard. And yet, I am relieved as I know that I did everything I could have done to save it. I have no regrets.
Today is a new day.
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Theresa, I have very, very few close friends, but I know it would be a difficult decision to step away. I would imagine that while it may be the right thing to do, that there is an incredible amount of grieving that goes along with it.
ReplyDeleteI really liked what Elizabeth Foss wrote about friendship last week--that there are layers, or different circles of friends that serve different purposes. Some of these are kindred connections, and others serve their purpose for a time, and then we move on. http://www.elizabethfoss.com/reallearning/2011/08/10-habits-of-happy-mothers-your-thoughts-on-friendships.html
Thinking of you :-) .
I think we are very similar, Mallory.
ReplyDeleteI have been grieving for a while as the dissolving of it has taken a few weeks now. It came down to "enough is enough" from John. And when he puts his foot down and insists, I really can't NOT do as he says. I trust him. And I kind of knew deep down it may come to this.
Thank you for the link. Heading there now....
Theresa that would be such a difficult thing to do...especially if you are someone like me who is non-confrontational.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I think sometimes to walk away is better for both ends, and hopefully will leave a more lasting mark on this friend than if you had stood by. I wish people were more honest upfront!
Prayers and hugs,
Anna
This makes me so sad to read...know of my prayers for both of you, and a chance for a miraculous healing of this friendship. Not all friendships need to be close, but having the ability to at least be friendly and amiable builds up the Lord's glory and shows great humility and love for one another
ReplyDeleteBelieve me. It was not for lack of love or humility. Believe me. It was a last resort. A final straw. And it is better that we part ways and move on then dwell and constantly have a thorn and judgment and the like dividing a friendship "for the sake of God's glory". I can love. I just need to love from a distance.
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