Preserving Love

2012-02-22T12:45:00.002-06:00

Almost "full term". Do I continue waiting or shall I start making some more extreme efforts to coax this baby out? Thing is, I've done that in the past with little to no results other than disappointment. We'll see.

Wyatt (my baby of almost 3 years) has magically potty trained and transitioned to a big boy bed in the past few days. He spent a couple days with his grandparents and came home with a renewed attitude about potty training. He's had only a couple accidents since Monday. Dry naps. Dry nights. We took down his crib yesterday and replaced it with a twin bed complete with tractor bedding. No issues so far. My baby is a big boy. I have mixed feelings about this.

My hands are numb. I've acquired a nasty nasty nasty case of carpel tunnel in both my hands this pregnancy. And it pisses me off!!!!! I haven't been able to knit for months. Seriously. Months! It was as if once Christmas came and went and I was done with my Christmas knitting then it got significantly worse. I had hoped to spend this time nesting and knitting for the baby with my magnum opus being a spectacular christening gown. Nope. Instead I have 2 inches of the gown done and a handful of incomplete projects none of which are for baby. It is driving me nuts!!!! And pissing me off!!!!! All I want to do is knit! And I'm not so sure time with be in my favor once the baby comes. I've resigned myself to this cross. Really, it is a cross to carry....though not exactly the heaviest I've been gifted but may be the most annoying. *sigh*

We are anxiously awaiting Friday as we have FINALLY a dinner date with some friends whom we've been meaning to get together with for a very long time. So excited.

Did I mention that my house is almost completely cleaned and organized? Yup. In January my parents took the kids for a long weekend giving John and I the opportunity to get some stuff done around the house. We managed to get a majority of the house cleaned, organized, and the last of our boxes packed away in one of the outbuildings. Yes, we've been here for nearly 4 years but we've always seemed to have a box or 2 in a random corner waiting to be sorted through and put away. Well, it's done. DONE! And then last week John's parents called and asked to take the kids for 2 nights. What?! We were thrilled of course. And the kids were so happy to get out and spend a weekend with their grandparents. John worked during the day which gave me all day to leisurely tidy up, enjoy the silence, watch a movie, and nap when needed. In the evenings we enjoyed our meals together in the quiet, watched TV, and went to bed early. Getting 7-9 solid hours of sleep a night really does something to an overtired parent. Wow. So after this past weekend (in addition to the one we had in January), we feel rested, spoiled, and completely ready for baby to arrive. So now we wait.

Is it normal to eat 6 oranges in one day? I crave oranges lately. So I eat them. Because they are healthy and yummy. And peanut butter spread on apple halves. Heaven. I suppose my cravings could be worse.

I'm happy it's Lent. Not sure yet what exactly I'm going to sacrifice or do or whatever. But I am happy it is Lent. I so enjoy these liturgical seasons that guide us into fantastical feast days. It increases the anticipation, deepens the understanding, and makes the spiritual life that much more intimate. Happy Lent Everyone!

I'm Yours

2012-02-14T10:27:00.000-06:00

Spring break landed over my birthday and John wanted to take me out to North Carolina to visit my brother. And then take a motorcycle ride up the coast, stop in DC to visit my aunt and uncle and then head home. I thought the trip was my birthday present. And for weeks before he’d ask me, “What do you want for your birthday?” I’d tell him “I just want you…..I want to spend the day with you.” Then he tells me about this trip he’s planned and I am super excited because I get a whole week with him! (our relationship was a bit long distance…during the week I was at school and he was working and then on the weekends I’d head back home and we’d spend the weekend together with each other’s family. So actually getting a decent chunk of time with him was super exciting and the best birthday gift ever.

So we packed up his truck, loaded his Honda CBR in back and made the non-stop trip to the coast. We had a wonderful time! We walked Top Sail Island, ate the most delicious seafood, rode up the coast on his bike, toured the Marine base my brother was stationed at, and had an awesome time. The one afternoon John asked me if I wanted to stop and get lunch and drive out to the island for a picnic. A man after my own heart…he knew how much I loved the ocean, the sound of the waves, the smell of water, and him. It sounded like a fabulous idea. So we stopped and picked up some lunch, brought it to the beach and had ate it there. It was a grey slightly windy day. It was beautiful out there. After lunch we walked and walked and walked. Not really saying anything. We didn’t have to say anything. I was soaking it all up. We stopped to sit and just listen and watch the waves. Oh I can’t tell you how peaceful it was. Then he asked again, “What do you want for your birthday?” I just looked at him, kissed him and said, “This is more than enough. This is perfect. I just wanted you.” I turned to watch the waves again. And while I was looking away he pulled out a ginormous ring and asked, “Will you be my wife, then?” I looked at him stunned. Then I looked away again and tried to absorb what was just happening. Did I hear him right? We had hardly talked about that far into the future, though we both knew without a doubt that was where our relationship was headed. Had he talked to my parents? What in the world was happening?!!!!! We had only known each other for 4.5 months. Dear God! But I knew. I looked at him again and squeaked out a “yes.” “Are you sure? I mean, if you need to think about it…” “No. I don’t. I will absolutely marry you!” And…well…we were married 4.5 months later. That sweet day by the sea happened nearly 9 years ago.

And to this day, that man makes me weak in the knees.

take when we got home...

Do you have a mooshi moment with your valentine or a sappy proposal? ‘Tis the day to share……

A Due Date Passed

2012-02-08T16:12:00.000-06:00

Today is such a bittersweet day for me.

Today marks a birthday that will never be.

Today would be Lyla Jayne's due date.

And so, sweet angel baby of mine, today I mourn for you (still). Today I weep tears of sorrow that I will never hold you in my arms in this life, that your Daddy will not witness your birth into this world and lay kisses and tears of joy on your tiny little forehead as he's done with your brothers and sister. Today you are not forgotten. You.Are.Loved. You are loved so deeply. And I know with every fiber of my being that though you are not here with us, you are loved where you are......your grandparents, your brother, your uncles, they are all taking care of you while we (your Daddy and I) wait for our meeting.

I love you.

I love you so very much.

Hubby Humor

2012-02-07T09:06:00.000-06:00

Just wondering if there are other pregnant women whose husbands find it comical to send them into the liquor store to do their buying. ???

John usually does the liquor buying when the occasion comes along. But I started noticing that he'd ask me to run and get it saying, "I'll watch the kids so you can get out for a little while by yourself." Sounded sweet. But then it started being accompanied by a little cracked smile with a dimple (you know how I love dimples). And then the real kicker.......we'd be out and about together and he'd decide he wanted beer and send me in to get it. That was when I started wondering and asked him about it. He just smiled a dimpled smile.

Fine. If I get a smile with dimples just for running into the liquor store for a bottle of brandy, then I'll probably continue doing it. Rest assured I DO make sure the cashier knows I'm buying for my husband so he/she doesn't feel guilty selling liquor to a pregnant woman. Geesh.

Thank goodness we don't live in South Africa.

Exploding Uterus

2012-02-06T13:56:00.001-06:00

Another FB steal......fits with my post about SAHMs. Enjoy!

Exactly What I Needed Today....

2012-01-26T11:09:00.000-06:00

Today has been "one of those days". Granted I have had much worse days, but I just really wasn't up for dealing with the obstacle I have today. I had my pity party with loads of tears this morning before the kids got up and decided to just suck it up.

Understanding (through my experience both past and present) every single word of this song, I sat listening to it with tears in my eyes. It was exactly what I needed to hear today. Exactly....

".....steady my heart...."

I've never heard of Kari Jobe before but I thank Anna for sharing this song on her FB.

Staying At Home

2012-01-25T14:52:00.002-06:00

I was out running errands today with Wyatt and ran into someone I know. I was a bit surprised to see her running errands in the middle of the morning as I know she works full time during the week. We chatted a bit about the weather, the holiday reprieve, etc when the subject turned to my ever present protruding belly.

"How many more weeks?" she asks.
"Oh, too many......8 or 9."
"I don't know how you do it."
"What?" - I kind of knew where this was heading as we've almost had this conversation before.
"Stay at home. Have all those kids. Keep your sanity. I mean, how do you live? (her way of asking if John makes enough money to support us) Do you think you guys are done after this one?"

Whoa. Completely loaded comment there. I was somewhat expecting it as I get comments a lot now when I take the kids out. We've become 'that family' that people stare at whenever we all go shopping together.....2 parents, mom uber pregnant, 3 kids under the age of 7 all walking in a group. We've become accustomed to comments and strange looks.

My response.
John does very well in his job and it is pretty secure. He doesn't make loads of money and we are lucky if extra funds actually stay in our savings account. But whenever something comes up, God usually provides an opportunity to cover whatever expense it is. We've learned to live with what we have, save what we can, and appreciate the simple luxuries that may come our way on occasion.

"I thought about staying home with Kate. But after 8 weeks of no sleep and constant feeding, I couldn't take it anymore. I NEEDED to get back to work. Plus, I didn't go to school for 4 years and get a great job only to stay home all the time. And Kate has really flourished in daycare. She is such a socialite and loves being around all the kids."

Oh geez. God help me keep my composure.
"So you think you guys will have any more kids?"

"Oh man, I don't know. Jack wants another one but I'm just not sure I can take it. Maybe after Kate is in school full time. She's such a handful at home at the end of the day and we are constantly trying to keep up with her."

I'm thinking: Of course she is! She misses you!!!!! And I don't know what child under the age of 6 or 7 needs/craves socialization MORE than being with his or her parents.

"Well, I knew that when we started having kids that it was important for me to be home with them if it was possible. John kind of fought me on it at first but then decided that having me home all the time was what was best for the family. Yeah, it's hard and stressful and threatens my sanity on an almost daily basis. But I look at the kids and I hear the millions of "I love you Mom" all day long and I wouldn't have it any other way. And believe it or not, as they get older it seems to get easier - for now. I'm sure once they hit preteen years we'll be dealing with a whole new phase of parenting. But for now we are completely happy with having "all these kids".

"But you cook and garden and have all those animals. Don't you wish you had more freedom? I mean, I NEED to have an evening with my girlfriends every Thursday or I'd go nuts! And Jack takes Kate sometimes on the weekends so I can get some shopping done in Fargo. That 'me time' is crucial for me."

Eeek.
"The winter is hard. And being pregnant takes some time away from "me time". But John hung a swing for me at the edge of the property so I have a place of solitude to run to every once in a while. In the non-winter months John makes sure that I get some time everyday to go for a 2 mile run or a short trip into the gym whenever I can. I get up early and enjoy before sunrise with a coffee and silence."

This is when she really started staring at me funny. And thankfully Wyatt was getting a bit squirmy.

"I don't know. I've just always knew I'd be a mom. Even when I was in college. And I always knew I wanted to be the one to raise my kid, NOT some daycare worker. So we made it a priority. And we'll probably have a couple more kids after this one."

She kind of smirked a pity filled smirk and bid me good day. I walked away a bit pissed off.

We didn't have kids only to send them off to have someone else to raise them so we can have a double income and all the extra toys we want. I'm not going to trade my children's childhood for that. And as far as not using my education, well........whatever job there might be out in the working world for me, there is always someone else who can do it. Believe it or not, employees ARE replaceable. Parents ARE NOT.

I grew up having my mother home. She sent us off to school in the morning and welcomed us home in the afternoon. She made us breakfast, lunch, snack, and supper. She was there if we were sick. She came to all the middle of the day activities that elementary school's sometimes hold. She was there. And looking back, that was perhaps one of the greatest gifts my parent's could have ever given us.

I get that some people can't do that. I understand the need for dual incomes sometimes. I understand that there are single parents out there just trying to stay afloat. I get that. I just also believe that if there is any way possible for a mom to be home with her children at least until they are school aged, it ought to be done. Children NEED their parents.

Anybody else have confrontations like this? ..... or perhaps a different perspective?.....or whatever?

I could write a whole lot more on this and get into a REAL rant. But I'm pretty sure that most of you who read this are probably of similar mind.

Too Early To Rise...

2012-01-22T07:52:00.001-06:00

I need some help. My kids are waking up WAY TOO early in the morning. They are all usually up and ready for the day between 6-6:30am. Granted I am usually up by 5-5:30ish...or on John's work days I'm up with him by 4:15am and stay up. I could count on my kids sleeping until 7-7:30 and sometimes 8:00 in the summertime. But this is getting ridiculous. I count on that time in the morning to get things going and prepare for my day. John and I sit and have coffee together, get the fire started, do morning prayers, and sit in the quiet before the day begins. We LOVE this time together. We've trained ourselves to be in bed before 10 and up early. It suits us well considering John's work schedule, the animals, and the morning round of "chores" that need to be done first thing. But the kids are gradually "stealing" that time. They don't go to bed until 8-8:30pm which leaves us with maybe an hour before we hit the pillow. I used to count on naptime as a scheduled reprieve, but Yvette doesn't nap every day anymore (though she needs it, she doesn't usually comply) and Wyatt's naps are getting shorter and shorter. I've tried keeping them up during naptime and then going to bed at the usual hour hoping that maybe they'd sleep in. Not so. Like clockwork they are up at the same time each morning.

Please, does anyone have any advice? Anything? 7:00am is reasonable. 6:30am, not so much.

PLEASE.....HELP.....

Hmmm

2012-01-20T21:48:00.003-06:00

So my husband is sitting at the computer this evening, looks over his shoulder and says, "I think I found us a new song." And the smile on his face was the kind that makes me melt because...well...he's got dimples when he really smiles. And he was really smiling. I came over to listen and this is what I heard...

Yeah, he THINKS he's funny.

Those of you who know my husband may understand his extraordinarily dry and sometimes sarcastic humor so this type of "joke" can just roll. But seriously, the humor I found in it wasn't so much the song itself but that he had the nerve to play it for me and laugh! I can't even get pissy about it because I know how innocent it is, but seriously!!!!!

How many of you would slug your husbands?....especially if you were 8 months pregnant, overtired, and seriously NOT feeling like yourself?....

....just sayin'......

Baby Balooga

2012-01-20T16:27:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago I graduated from the "oh cute, she's obviously pregnant" stage to getting that look from women that says, "oh gosh...she's probably due pretty soon look how uncomfortable she must be" stage. You know, that look of pity and understanding wrapping into one. It's humbling, but I'm getting used to it. Truth is, aside from the fact that I don't sleep much, I feel pretty decent. Fatter. Slower. Exhausted. But for the most part pretty good.

I've noticed a trend in my pregnancies and I'm wondering if other women experience it also. For most women, the first trimester is plagued with some level of sickness. Mine, not so much. For most women, the second trimester is blessed with some level of energy and nesting. Mine, not so much. Now what I am wondering is the prego trend for the third trimester. It's been a while since I've read the What To Expect When Your Expecting books. You'd think I'd have some idea. But really, all I know is what seems to be the norm for me. And that is NO SLEEP. And it isn't just that I can't get comfortable at this point. Because really, I CAN.....sometimes. And it isn't so much that I have to get up to pee every 30 minutes because really I only get up to use the bathroom about once MAYBE twice at night at this point. What happens with me is I wake up every 1 1/2 - 2 hours and I go downstairs and sit by the fire for about 20 minutes and then go back to bed. And then during the day I snooze for a little while on the couch in the morning or afternoon. Sound familiar? Like my body is instinctively conditioning itself (a bit early) for those feedings/changings during the night. It has happened with each one of my pregnancies. Anyone else experience that? Maybe that's a stupid question, but I never really hear people talk about it.

Anyway, I suppose I don't really have a point with this post. Oh well.

9 weeks to go...

not that i'm counting or anything.....

Dry and Connected

2012-01-18T14:13:00.000-06:00

This week has been great. My new dryer came on Monday. Tuesday we FINALLY had the internet installed. And today it is finally snowing. I had a fantastic appointment with my midwife yesterday and all is well. I've also been seeing a chiropractor a couple times a week to help with sciatic nerve stuff and boy does that make a difference! A Christmas present that has been backordered twice made a surprising arrival today! YAY. Now we just have to get it to our nephew before the kids take it over.

Hurray for the simple things, right?

Just a thought...
I was all excited about catching up on the many blogs I was following and the FB gossip, but for whatever reason it hasn't been all that alluring to sit and surf. Sure there are still a handful of blogs (written by friends) that I've read up on but the FB thing has totally lost it's addictive hold on me. Thank goodness.

Now on to better things like.....more laundry, baking banana bread, vacuuming, and planning that "party" that Yvette keeps talking about. Both she and I have no idea what the party will be for, but she wants to have one. So maybe we'll surprise John tomorrow with a "welcome home from work / thanks for taking such good care of us" party for him. We'll take pictures, don't worry.

The 12 Days of Christmas

2012-01-05T17:51:00.000-06:00

John and I have had numerous conversations about the traditions we’d like to pass on to our children and/or start new with our family. As the kids get older and are able to appreciate the specific holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc that pass each year, we’ve decided to give a few news ones a try. Of course, our own immediate families had their traditions to which we both tend to prefer. But at the same time, our little family kind of has a way of adopting “new” ways of doing things. Believe me when I say we don’t set out to “go against the grain” or seek out different ways of doing things simply because not many are doing them. It just sort of happens that way sometimes.

When I was growing up I had a friend whose family celebrated the 12 days of Christmas. I didn’t completely understand what they did or why, but the idea of having 12 days of presents and fun sounded wonderful to me as a child. And since we couldn’t really agree on which traditions to pass on from our own immediate families or when to celebrate Christmas (open presents on the Eve of or the day of?) or whom to celebrate Christmas with (his family or mine or stay home?) or when is too early to celebrate or too late to celebrate, etc…..well….we decided that perhaps we’d try something “new” for both him and I AND the kids. A tradition that is neither familiar to his family nor mine. The 12 Days of Christmas.

It sounded like a good idea but we didn’t really know what it would all entail. We kind of “winged it”. Our understanding of the celebration of the 12 Days of Christmas is - in a very very simple definition - giving the birth of Christ the celebration it is due (MORE than one day), celebrating what it means to have that bridge between the human and Divine, being reminded of what is to come, and bringing it to a close at the celebration of Epiphany (the arrival and celebration of the Three Wise Men). Of course all of that is not necessarily easy for little minds and hearts to absorb, but we do our best to translate in a way they may - or may not - understand. So with each day comes a new way of celebrating or acknowledging these days.

Day 1: Santa leaves gifts
Day 2: sharing a meal with friends and/or family
Day 3: family outing
Day 4: baking of cookies and homemade yumminess
Day 5: the giving of homemade yumminess to neighbors and friends
Day 6: travel day
Day 7: exchange of gifts with Nana and Bumpa and cousins
Day 8: exchange of gifts with Granny and Gramps and cousin
Day 9: family game day - day spent playing board games, video games, puzzles
Day 10: gifts from Mom and Dad
Day 11: chosing of “old” toys to give to kids who don’t have any
Day 12: family gift

So technically today ends our celebration of the 12 Days of Christmas, though the Church’s celebration of Epiphany will be this coming Sunday.

Our days were celebrated with joy. The kids were able to appreciate and enjoy each round of gift giving and each activity we did together. We will most definitely be doing this again next year with the hopes that a little bit more of the meaning of it all will sink in a little bit deeper for each child.

Sure, it was definitely more work for John and I but it was so worth it. And seeing the faces of the kids with each new day was priceless.

And so on this final day of the celebration of the Birth of Our Lord…….

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Our Christmas Remembered

2012-01-04T15:16:00.000-06:00

This Christmas John and I, our whole family really, feel a bit spoiled. Extremely spoiled. Our children are now so armored with computer games, video games, learning games, and dollies that I honestly think we are covered for at least a couple years! Hayden received a LeapFrog Explorer with 2 games, all three of them received a LeapFrog Tag with 5 books, the family was gifted with a Wii accompanied by 3 games and 3 controllers, and I received a Nook Color. My kitchen is now updated with a new round of kitchen utensils, pyrex containers with lids, a new Magic Bullet (which warrants a post of its own), a couple baskets and lots of chocolate. John was gifted with extremely nice Midland radios, a battery charger for the vehicles, and some fantastic work pants (ripstop is worth the $$). This and many other gifts of movies, clothes, puzzles, knickknacks, and toys. Christmas has always been a fun time for John and I. We rarely buy gifts for each other and find great joy in buying and making gifts for the ones we love. There truly is great joy in giving. And years past we have been very fortunate to have received fantastic gifts as well. But this year truly caught us off guard. Never did we imagine being as spoiled as we all were this year. My goodness! As we continue to unload our Christmas loot, we are both humbled and grateful.
And though the gifts are nice to have and fun to give, we find ourselves soaking up the moments in between the most:

*walking into my parent’s house and being hit with flashback type memories. The Christmas tree decked in more colored lights than Clark could ever put on his house.  The living room so picturesque with holly and poinsettias, candles lit, Christmas music playing. I just wanted to curl up in my jimmies, turn the lights off, and soak up the Christmas love that I KNOW my mother puts into making things just right during holiday time.
*hearing the doorbell ring and the kids run to greet the guests. “Bell! Abby! Alex! Betty!” and hugs and kisses all around. “Ellen! Ross!” More hugs and kisses. The fun continues throughout the whole day. Sugared kids, tired yet contented adults enjoying conversation and coffee, sleeping men on the couch “watching” the game.

Then another day of:

*Wow! Presents under the tree! The sweet smell of turkey and sweet potatoes. Kids playing bowling and boxing with the adults. Laughing! Oh, the laughing!
*the kitchen conversations while the food is being prepared.
*the quick trips out to check the chickens and get some fresh air. But not too much because the wind was blowing and blowing!
*cookies and presents and wrapping paper everywhere. Hugs and thank yous. Sometimes a moment of stillness as everyone seems occupied with something/someone.

And then just at the right time, packing begins. Though the amount of time never seems to be enough, we are so grateful to have any time at all to spend all together.

Oh the fun. And the love! Soaked up each and every time we make a visit. Yes, we are grateful for our families, our parents, our siblings, our children. We are grateful for the year past with all it’s wonderful memories and difficult times. We look forward to this new year with new adventures and new memories.

I hope you all look back on 2011 with joy and gratitude. I pray you are blessed and content and look forward to this new year with anticipation and excitement.

**What has been your most favorite holiday memory as a child? **

Back To The Grind Stone

2012-01-03T17:42:00.002-06:00

Hayden went back to school today. He has been ready for a few days. I haven’t been. I liked having him home again. And I liked not having to make the 2+ trips into town each day. *sigh* Oh well.

With school starting again, John back on his regular schedule, and the holiday’s being pretty much over, I am looking at my daily life a little bit differently lately. Could it be the resolution? Could it be grace from a well lived Advent? Could it simply be preparation for the baby coming in just over 10 weeks? I am peaceful and happy and excited for the next adventure.

A few things off my baby prep list:

*Yesterday I received a confirmation from my mother that they would take the kids for the weekend at the end of January. It was a request of John’s that he and I have a weekend alone before the baby comes. A weekend alone AT HOME. You can imagine how excited we are!!! We can sleep in. We can have nice leisurely meals. We can watch a movie without being interrupted. We can paint the extra bedroom and maybe the mudroom. We can go on a date without paying for a babysitter or having a curfew. The options are endless! ;-) The kids are great and we have fantastic amounts of fun with them, but we could certainly use a weekend alone before another babe graces our family with her presence.

*Over this past weekend I finalized a cloth diaper order. A friend of ours has been sewing and selling her own diapers for a couple years now. And I am extraordinarily excited about being able to support her business and receive some high quality diapers in the process. I’ve written about cloth diapering in the past. Years ago we purchased the best cloth diaper on the market (at that time) for Hayden. We used them a little bit with Yvette and a little bit with Wyatt. They have more than paid for themselves 3 times over and are pretty much useless at this point. We never seem to have enough money to buy a new round of cloth diapers so I never really shopped for them. When I got pregnant, one of the first things we discussed was setting money aside for some of Rachel’s diapers. I gave her notice right away but didn’t finalize anything until this weekend. And though she’s been sewing for years, I just recently had the opportunity to SEE the actual product in person. WOW. Wow. I’ve seen and used and researched enough of cloth diapers to know that her diapers are……WOW. High quality. Custom made. Affordably and appropriately priced. And…wow. I’m almost giddy about them. We sat and talked cloth diapering for a couple hours, finalized what I wanted, and put an official order in. Baby Backowski will be comfortable in her new gender appropriate oh so soft on her butt diapers. And we will be free from the chains of having to buy disposables, dispose of disposables, and deal with insane prices of disposables. I figure after about 4-5 months, these new cloth diapers will have paid for themselves. So excited!
www.chelory.com

*extra bedroom is cleaned and ready for painting

I’ve just got to purchase all the homebirth supplies we’ll need, pull out the necessary receiving blankets, warm sleepers, and cute clothes, and make a few meals to put in the freezer and we should be good to go. I’ve got a thumbs up from my medical doc that all is good for a homebirth. My midwife is fantastic. And the holiday’s are done so we can focus on BABY. OH…..I suppose I should start that major knitting project I’ve been planning for our newest addition.

Praying for the energy to follow-through…….

Here…..goes!……..

Part Two

2012-01-02T17:00:00.000-06:00

The second part of my resolution:

Doing what I am told.

Yikes. Even harder than follow-through sometimes. John is strong, traditional, and extraordinarily tolerant. He very rarely TELLS me what to do. We have a very open and fair relationship in regards to decision making and parenting and the like. He is not at all controlling or manipulative or invasive or anything like that. But I have found myself pushing him to cave on some things that he would prefer to have the final say on. Does that make sense? For example, recently our clothes dryer died on us. And with it being holiday time, funds are very limited…..none existent actually. I knew this. I’ve been making-do for over a week now. I hang our clothes on hangers next to the fireplace and drape them over every chair, railing, window hardware, etc that I can find. There is literally laundry everywhere in our house. John sent me out to the local appliance store to check out prices on new dryers. I found the matching dryer to our washer and it happened to be the last one in stock. I expressed to the store owner (who was helping me) that we didn’t have the money today but expect to be able to purchase it before the end of the month. He said they’d hold it for us or we could apply for financing. I explained that we would prefer not to go into debt for a dryer and will be paying cash just as soon as we can save enough for it. He left me for just a couple minutes and came back with an offer. He explained that though a dryer isn’t the end of the world, he understands a woman’s need for such an appliance especially with 3 at home and 1 on the way. He himself came from a family of 12. He “gets it”. And he also appreciates people who save for the things they need/want instead of always buying on credit. He said that they don’t do it a lot, but he’d like to extend an interest free in house finance option and get the dryer out to us within a day. My jaw dropped. I told him I needed to speak with John and would call him back. Wow. I was shocked. I went home to explain the deal to John. Though he appreciated the gesture, he really didn’t want to owe anybody anything and said we need to turn down the offer. You can imagine that everything in me was screaming NO!!!! I wanted that dryer now! We knew we could have the funds before the end of the month. The store owner was extending a courtesy that most could not refuse. And John still wouldn’t budge. I didn’t say anything. I just sat there. John knew I was stewing and pushed me to share what I was thinking. “I am trying to do what I am told,” I replied. I couldn’t push him on this. I knew if I did he would cave. It wasn’t that he didn’t want me to have a dryer or that he wanted more work for me to do around the house. It was simply the fact that he didn’t want to owe anyone anything. He’s worked so hard to get us out of debt and the thought of jumping right back into it no matter how small it may be was not something he was willing to compromise. *sigh*……he is a good man!
He pushed me some more and I tried to gently explain my thoughts without trying to convince him to change his mind. I could tell that this simple situation was causing him much stress. I knew he wanted me to have what I needed but he couldn’t compromise. So I had to change my attitude about it. I gave myself a few minutes to pout by myself. Then I picked up the phone a made the call. John heard it. When I hung up and returned to John, I could immediately sense the burden lifted off his shoulders. He smiled at me and said, “I am so sorry. But thank you so much.” Stress gone. I felt better too. So what if I had to go another couple weeks without a dryer. Better the dryer than the stove/oven or the dishwasher or something. And emasculating my husband for the sake of getting what I want is not a road I wanted to walk down.
This is just the most recent. But over the past month there have been many instances in which I held my tongue and let him make the decision. I’ve realized that it can’t be about me getting my way all the time. Even in the little things. It is amazing what this little resolution has done for our relationship! I have to trust that my husband seeks to know and do what is best for our family. And in little things like ordering takeout or not ordering takeout, spending more on Christmas or not, getting the dryer today or not, finishing one of his projects instead of mine, etc…..pushing for my way isn’t worth it. I know in the past some of the bigger things I have pushed him on have been detrimental to our family and our relationship. So I can personally vouch for my own bad judgment in impulse decision making and lack of objectivity.
Back to the story….
I get a call the next morning around 8am from the store owner. He said he found himself awake at 4:30am thinking of us. In his 45 years of business he had never had anyone turn him down on a “no strings attached” gesture that he offered us….and for the reason my husband gave. He was a bit impressed and wanted to make sure we understood that the offer was open should we change our mind. “Pay me back when you can,” he said. “I appreciate a hard worker such as your husband and I don’t want to pressure him into something he doesn’t want to do, but just let him know the offer stands with no strings.“ Geesh. I spoke with John at work that day and told him. He’s a little bit more open but still hesitant. I imagine it will be a few weeks yet.

Another Year

2012-01-01T17:36:00.000-06:00

November 22nd marked the end of a two year contract with a satellite internet company we were not happy with. Instead of committing to a new provider right away we decided that a break from the internet in the house would be a positive step in focusing on our family and preparing for Christmas. It was difficult at first. I’ve tried going without Facebook or social networking in general but have not succeeded in the past. So removing the internet all together seemed a daunting challenge (for me). I had come to rely on it immensely. Paying for satellite TV is not really a luxury we want at this point in our life. We live far enough from town where cable is not available so TV networks are not an option for daily news. We have the most basic cell phone plan available simply because we cringe at the thought of paying so much for phone service. Our landline phone is just for local calls. So phone calls are fairly limited. We don’t get the newspaper. And, though the weather has been extraordinarily mild this winter, during the winter months we pretty much stay as close to home as possible as much as possible. Yes, I live a fairly “sheltered” quiet life. Don’t get me wrong, I am NOT complaining. I am just stating that, back in November, the thought of going without my major source of communication was a bit scary.

It took about a week. After that, I really didn’t notice not having it around anymore. We finished up some much needed organization in the house. I dove into my knitting and managed to start and completely finish about 3 knitting projects a week. BIG accomplishment. Plus we had the added treat of John being on a regular schedule throughout the entire month of December. Normally he rotates day shift/night shift. But there were some changes happening within the company and John was asked to participate in various rounds of meeting and such. I’m not sure he particularly preferred meetings over working in the plant, but we certainly enjoyed having him home every night for supper and bedtime. It is shocking how much that effects a family.

Anyway, I am back from my break. Though we still haven’t committed to a new internet provider, I am fully committed to regular updates. I know. I’ve said that in the past and totally flopped on it. Truth is, since the beginning of Advent (the Catholic “new year”), I have been working on a new resolution:

To do what I say I am going to do. And to do what I am told.

Very hard for me. Sadly, I am a woman of excuses. Yes, my life is insanely crazy most of the time and we have tons of simple daily chores that take up a whole lot of our time/life. But really, the excuses still find their way in. And I hate that about myself. So, I’ve made that commitment to work on doing what I say I’m going to do. Just do it. And let me tell you, it is one of the most satisfying resolutions I’ve had thus far. Wow. Granted I am not cured of my excuses, but I am getting better.

If it matters to anyone out there, I am back. With posts. And commitment.

Happy 2012 everyone!!!!

Simple Treasures

2011-11-29T13:02:00.001-06:00

So, the second year in this house, our furnace went out on us. And since we were pretty broke (still are), we didn't have it fixed right away because we had our fireplace. We thought we'd give the fireplace an honest shot at heating this big old house on it's own. Quite honestly we thought it might buy us a few weeks to get some funds together before needing to have the furnace serviced. Well, we are going into our 4th winter in this house and the furnace is still down. That fireplace has kept us warm for going on 3 years now. Sure the house is drafty and the heat is not a balanced heat, but the house stays warm and we stay cozy through our -40 degree winters. We've gotten the talk from our parents. Understandably they are concerned about the cold...what about back-up heat? what about fire concerns? etc. First of all, we are very safe about burning wood. Our house is peppered with smoke alarms, fire blankets, and fire extinguishers. Our insurance agent has been out a couple times to reassess and the fireplace is most certainly up to code, functioning well, and still safe. With that said, our first winter here we were paying upwards of $300-$450 a month in propane expenses. That hurts! The first year with wood we paid out maybe $350 for a winter's worth of wood. The next year our neighbors decided to knock down a wall of trees between their field and gave us the wood. This year is the same. We have paid nothing...let me repeat, NOTHING to heat our home all winter long for almost 3 years. Sure it takes a bit work to haul, split, and stack the wood. Not to mention the commitment to keep the fire burning during those long freezing nights (up every 3-4 hours to stoke it). But with kids we are up a couple times a night anyway - potty runs, bad dreams, etc. Nothing is lost really except the expense.

And so I take this opportunity to sing my husband's praises (again). He's quite wonderful to tackle such a task on his own...with everything else he does around here.

This is what the pile started out as (June 2011):

It grew to this about a month later (July 2011):

And there was still some more added towards the end of August.

And now this is what it looks like (November 2011):

With the help of John's mom who came for 2 days with the sole intention of eliminating the wood pile completely, we are now completely ready for an entire winter. Wood stacked in the wood shed....

...and in a covered trailer on the side of the garage...

...and another trailer piled high in the garage for the dead of winter when the storms blow snow halfway up our garage door (it happens often)...

Sure piles of wood may not mean anything to you. But for us, it means warmth and security during the winter. It means another year of no heat expense. It means another winter of self-sufficiency. For us, the piles are a treasure.

Happy winter to you all. Stay warm.

Wyatt's Birth Story

2011-11-28T14:01:00.001-06:00

Pregnancy with Wyatt was a breeze. With Hayden and Yvette I had to go through the summer. Not fun. But with Wyatt my pregnancy was from August until mid-April. It was fantastic.

I was due around the 3rd week of April. I say “around” because my dates don’t always correspond with the doctors. Which is okay. I know the date of conception with all my babes and based on that the due date is usually within 3-5 days of the doctor’s prediction. Since my previous labor/delivery ended in a c-section, the local hospital was not equipped to handle a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). They are, they just not to do them because of how small of a hospital they are. I was okay with that. As much as we wanted to do a home birth, we wanted to make sure that a successful VBAC was going to work for me first. So that meant finding a doctor and hospital who would accommodate. Fargo has a fantastic facility and Dr. H had delivered many a VBAC babies successfully and was known for his openness for non-aggressive labors. We were happy.

Two weeks before my due date I began having bouts of labor……regular contractions for hours on end getting as close as 4 minutes apart. And then they’d stop. Just stop. It was weird. It was not fair. I’d get excited and make calls for my mom to be ready to come or call John home from work or whatever. And they’d just stop. This happened probably 4 times. One of my last appointments just days before my due date, Dr. H said I was about 3 centimeters and very thinned out. This was promising but not good enough. I was anxious. Dr. H stripped my membranes and sent me home. We had a c-section scheduled for 1 day after my due date (as was his preference). It was getting too close to that date and I really didn’t want to submit to surgery. One day before my due date I called Dr H’s office to cancel the surgery. I didn’t want it. I didn’t. He and I compromised and I ended up coming in early in the morning on my due date (April 21st) to be mildly induced. He promised it would be the lowest possible amount of pitocin they could administer and that it would be shut off as soon as labor was progressing. He told me that I had already begun labor with my little episodes of contractions and that I was dilated enough that it wouldn’t take much. I was okay with that.

We arrived around 7:30am and I was ready to go by 8:00. They hooked me up and quite honestly the pitocin was so mild that I was having regular contractions for 3 hours and was able to talk through them. All of a sudden things started really picking up. They shut off the pit and let me go on my own. I was about a 6 or 7 at that point. I walked a little bit, tried to sit up and labor but mostly I just laid on my side. That wasn’t too conducive to moving a baby down so John helped me up. There was a point of labor where I got distracted by the pain. I knew it was happening and before I could refocus, a hard contraction came that sent me into a tizzy. I lost it. I demanded drugs and of course the nurses complied. John was shaking his head trying to get me to refocus and telling me that I could do it. I didn’t care. I was frantic and the nurses came in with the paperwork. I signed. As soon as they left the room again I think I regretted it. And then another contraction came and with it a very strong sense of focus and will. After a couple more contractions the nurses came back in to inform us that the anesthesiologist was backed up with 2 people ahead of me for the epidural. They told me to prepare to not get one in time. A sense of relief came over me. I KNEW I could do this without the drugs. I KNEW that I had to find a strong focus or this last part would not be as utterly satisfying and beautiful as I’d looked forward to. John and I locked eyes and got back to work. The nurse suggested the tub. It sounded good. I made my way to the bathroom. The short walk from the bed to the bathroom seemed like a mountain. While standing in the bathroom waiting for the tub to fill a bit more I had a contraction that nearly dropped me to the floor. Thank goodness for my super strong husband. Finally I was able to lower myself into the tub. Oh my. That felt wonderful. For anyone who has had the opportunity to labor in water, you know what I mean. The ‘weight’ of the contractions seemed to feel less than half. Seriously. I went from a 6 ½ to almost a 10 in a matter of 15 or 20 minutes without hardly feeling any of the contractions. That warm water relaxed me enough to almost push. The nurse urged me to get out of the tub as quickly as possible in between contractions and get back to the bed for delivery. As soon as I stood up and out of the tub, again a contraction came that felt like …. Well….. It wasn’t a nice feeling. ;-) We shimmied back over to the bed and got situated.
The doc came in the check me and said I could push whenever I felt the need. Oh this pushing stage was tremendous. The relief to be able to push that baby out was freeing. I pushed and pushed and pushed. It felt like forever. Really it was about 30 minutes of pushing at that point. How some women do it in just minutes, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that I consistently have 9-10lb babies has something to do with it. Anyway, Dr. H told me to stop pushing for a couple contractions. Yeah. Not something a laboring woman wants to hear. Wyatt began to crown and not pushed would help prevent tearing and/or an episiotomy. Oh the burning!!!!! I remember screaming at that point. Yeah, I was one of those deep moaning/grunting/screaming laboring women. It helped. ;-) Then came the moment. Dr H looked up at me and “okay, give it one more slow steady push.” And I did. He slithered out and onto my tummy. He was beautiful!
I remember looking over at John, who was all teary eyed and smiling and he said to me, “You did it. You did it again.”

Wyatt Leonard was born at 1:26pm on April 21, 2009. He weighed in at 10lbs and measured 22.5 inches long.

**tearing/episiotomies are a nightmare for me. Haven’t received the episiotomy and have only torn slightly. With Hayden I got 3 stitches. And with Wyatt they put in 5. Not bad.

And so with 3 completely different birth experiences under my belt, with a successful vbac as the most recent, we are happy to be a candidate for another homebirth. We are fortunate enough to have a midwife/NP just 40 miles away (which is close considering our location) who is more than happy to deliver this babe. And we are very excited - YES, excited - to welcome him/her into our family and into our home from the very first breath of life he/she takes. Being home for a birth is so peaceful, warm, comforting, and convenient. We wouldn’t have it any other way.

Brotherly Love

2011-11-27T17:07:00.001-06:00

Yesterday I was going through some old pictures and found a file with pictures of Stephen. Hayden came over and started asking question. He knows Stephen. He doesn't remember him, but he recognizes him. He knows it's Uncle Steve. And Uncle Steve is Isabell and Abby's dad who died in a car crash. He also likes to remember a comment I made so long ago that I can't even remember exactly when I said it. But he keeps saying, "And Uncle Steve was your best buddy when you were growing up? And he was your brother too?..." Whenever Steve comes into conversation that comment is always made. It makes me smile. It's true. Stephen and I were very close....always.

And today Hayden has been especially attentive to Wyatt. I'd hear comments like, "Wyatt, your my little brother and we can be best friends, okay?" "Okay, Hayden." Wyatt would respond. It melts my heart to hear that. They played so nicely today....all day.

And then there is Fiona. We've come to sincerely love this gigantic 110lbs+ brutish dog.

Merry Christmas!

2011-11-25T09:54:00.001-06:00

My MIL sent me this in an email. How true it is!

Twas the Month before Christmas

Twas the month before Christmas

When all through our land,

Not a Christian was praying

Nor taking a stand.

See the PC Police had taken away

The reason for Christmas - no one could say.

The children were told by their schools not to sing

About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.

It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say

December 25th is just a ' Holiday'.

Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit

Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!

CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-Pod

Something was changing, something quite odd!

Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa

In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.

As Targets were hanging their trees upside down

At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.

At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears

You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.

Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty

Are words that were used to intimidate me.

Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen

On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton!

At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter

To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.

And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith

Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace

The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded

The reason for the season, stopped before it started.

So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'

Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.

Choose your words carefully, choose what you say

Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS,

not Happy Holiday!

Please, all Christians join together and

wish everyone you meet

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Christ is The Reason' for the Christ-mas Season

My Namesake

2011-11-10T10:03:00.000-06:00

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
— Mother Teresa

Wedding Nostalgia

2011-11-02T13:46:00.002-05:00

I’ve been in a nostalgic mooshi kind of mood lately. You see, on Saturday a young woman, whom I worked with years ago during my volunteer years, got married. I wanted to go so badly but unfortunately it was not possible for me to travel. And so I remained here with her and her husband constantly on my mind and in my prayers.

The nostalgia and moosh is obvious. I remember being 23 and eagerly waiting to wed my love. Every detail of our wedding day is etched into my memory. It was a wonderful small town wedding with great celebration! I dreamed of such a day for most of my life and felt so blessed to have been chosen by such a man as John. I waited and waited and waited for him. And finally I was to be his and he mine. I remember the weather, the conversations, the flutters in my stomach waiting for him to arrive at the church for pictures, the music, the smells, the blessings!!!!, the people!!!!. And the dancing. I remember it all. A few of my favorites…..

*walking up the isle with my dad and walked back down it with my husband

*celebrating with dear friends who traveled from Mexico, Ohio, California, BC, and Michigan

*watching my dad so proudly pass out fabulous cigars to John and his groomsmen and then put his out so he could come in and dance with me (Bob Seagar’s Old Time Rock and Roll)

*a Harley ride with my Uncle Dan (I wish I had a pic of this on the computer)

*a last dance to a song written and sung by a college friend

*and finally the drive to our final destination for the next 5 days

Perhaps the most awesome memory was a thought I had the next day. I was laying in bed with my sleeping husband and thought about the events of the previous day. All it took was a the declaration of a few vows, a blessing, and a night with my husband and we were joined body and soul for the rest of our days. It was the most peaceful, secure, satisfying moment. God’s ways are so awesome. And His blessings are even more.

And as I clicked through Miss E’s wedding pics that were gradually being posted by her guests, I saw a sparkle in her eye that made those memories come flooding back. The eagerness, anticipation, pure love, and utter happiness. She was a radiant, elegant, regal bride. And I am so happy for her and her new husband.

For those of you who are married, what was your most lasting memory of your wedding day?

A Successful October

2011-11-01T14:09:00.002-05:00

We’ve been busy ‘round these parts. Really, when are we NOT busy? Just when I think we have a break coming up, something happens or I forget that living on a farm with animals, a huge garden/harvest, having 3 kids with 1 on the way, 2 kids in school, and a husband who works swing shifts doesn’t make any woman’s life just a bit insane. Well, anyway, life has been busy.

Last spring we decided to officially try to get rid of some produce for money. We sold tomatoes and potatoes that ended up paying for our canning and gardening season. A success. And just when we were cursing planting so many pumpkins, pumpkin sales far exceeded our expectations. It was a successful endeavor. By successful I mean we sold every last pumpkin that we pulled from our pumpkin patch. Every.single.one. It was fun. And people were asking about next year. So you can only guess what that means. Yup, we’re revamping our pumpkin patch and adding some perks. We are excited.

On a side note: Right in the middle of our pumpkin season, my washing machine decided to die on me. Literally die. One day it just stopped mid-cycle. The repair guy came over to see if it was fixable and determined that the motor was shot, the coupler was shot, and the pump was shot. Dead. The replacement parts plus the work would have cost almost a third of a new washer. Since John and I had just recently discussed replacing the washing machine, we were half expecting it would be now given it’s recent mishap. You can imagine the expense. It wasn’t expected though we were starting to save for the possibility. It hurt the checkbook. A lot. But I was happy with the new arrival. And when a mom is happy, usually everyone else is too. And guess where the money came from that replaced what the washing machine took from our checking account. Yup….you guessed it. PUMPKINS. Almost down to the dollar. God is so good. And you can count on pumpkin season happening here again next year. J

In light of my growing love of pumpkins, I am baking loads of pumpkin bread for neighbors, teachers, the principal, our priest, family, etc. Mostly it is to get rid of the pumpkin still in my freezer from last year to make room for 242lbs of beef coming soon. (Yeah, I know……insane amounts of meat!) But it is also to entice the local pallet to come back for more next year. When they see pumpkins, smell pumpkins, taste pumpkins I want them to think of the yummy-smelling good pumpkin bread that came from the Backowski’s and their pumpkin patch.

Perhaps next year my fridge or stove will decide to die during harvest. A woman can only hope, right?.

Here’s to happy fall seasons, welcoming winter and all the beauty that comes with it, and kitchens that smell oh.so.good.

Cheerio!

A Dear Man

2011-10-28T07:34:00.000-05:00

I just have to share this.....

After high school I spent 2.5 years doing full time volunteer work. My home was in Oxford, MI but I/we travelled all over the place all the time. I lived with other volunteers and women who consecrated their lives to Christ and building His Kingdom. We worked with groups of junior high and high school girls doing retreats, leadership training, pilgrimages, and various other activities. I loved it! I absolutely loved it. I formed life long friendships with the women I worked with. I acquired lot of "little sisters" whom I continue to pray for and are in contact with. And the parents we worked with were amazing!....some of the most inspiring examples of motherhood, marriage, and service. I really am so very grateful for having spent that time with such wonderful people.

One of the regular activities I was responsible for was a monthly trip to Toledo, OH to meet with a rather large group of girls there. Myself and a very dear consecrated woman would spend an entire weekend meeting with the whole group, putting on some really fun activities, meeting with the girls and their families, etc. And of course we needed a place to stay. One particular family opened up their home to us almost every single month. It was so wonderful to have a regular place to stay. And there was something particularly special about this home. It was the home of Bob and Fran McCartney, the grandparents of a few of the girls we worked with. Now, Grandma and Grandpa McCartney (Grandpa insisted we call him that instead of "Mr. McCartney") were a slice of heaven to stay with....to KNOW. Mariana (my teammate) and I would talk about them all the time. The love they had for each other was most amazing. There was this unspoken, tangible, heart melting joy and happiness that they held together. And I am honored to have known such a couple.

A few weeks ago Grandpa passed away. Though my heart was sad, I rejoiced in the knowing that he must be in heaven as a soul such as his would only bring joy and glory to God. Truly a most amazing man. He was such an example for me. An example of the virtue, the respect, the uprightness and true masculinity that I sought in my future husband. Bob and Fran shared the kind of love that every single married couple ought to seek. And with pride I can say that I have found such a man and I can only pray that in 60 years we will be as in love, Christ-centered, and blissfully happy as Grandma and Grandpa were/are. How grateful I am to have known and loved such wonderful examples.

Thank you Bridget for sharing this beautiful post about your grandfather.

Winter's Goodness

2011-10-19T16:26:00.002-05:00

Just when I think I can handle everything and I can do all I set out to do, I am humbled. And gratefully so. My mother came a few weeks ago to help me can. I honestly didn't think we'd actually do anything more that visit and clean up the garden. But when she walked in the door, along came a gust of busy-ness and motivation. The woman came prepared! I mean ready.to.go. She wasn't even here 10 minutes and my kitchen was piled high with canning supplies, apples, frozen berries, treats for the kids, and much more. I'm pretty sure she knew how things would go. I had every intention of canning all the apples myself...AND berries into jam/jelly. But the smart lady she is, she wasn't really counting on a whole lot of my help. She came to work. She came to help. She came to SAVE ME. And save me she did. The night she arrived we cooked down and juiced gallon bags full of concord grapes for jelly. The next morning the applesauce canning began. She went about her saucing while I tried to help in the middle of my daily duties of mothering, wifing, cleaning, chauffeuring, etc. And quite honestly my attempts were good, but the success was fleeting. Just as I'd get my hands washed and a few apples peeled I'd hear a "Mom, Wyatt stinks" or "Mom, dad is on the phone" or screaming and fighting or meals needing to be prepared, etc. It was a whirlwind. By the end that day we she successfully canned 30+ quarts of applesauce, 9 jars of raspberry jelly, 5 quarts of grape juice (for jelly), and 7 jars of grape jelly. The next day I don't think she canned anything, but we did play outside for a while and dug up three 5 gallon buckets full of yukon gold potatoes, picked pumpkins and squash, and packed her things and she left before 2pm. Did I mention that she made breakfast (french toast, bacon, and eggs) for everyone. Seriously, the woman is SUPER WOMAN. And I am so so so grateful for her. Here are a few pictures of some of our canning from this season. I say "some" because most of what isn't pictured is stored in boxes on shelves in the basement.

50 quarts of peaches
30+ quarts of applesauce
18 jars of jelly
70 quarts of spaghetti sauce
50 quarts of stewed tomatoes
60 pints of salsa (needing to be made)

As my mother would say, "Winter is going to taste SO good!"

Yvette's Birth

2011-10-18T14:07:00.000-05:00

A little prelude to Yvette’s birth. From the time we found out we were pregnant to the day she was born and after was quite possibly the most stressful and rocky time in our marriage and just life in general. It was NOT because of the pregnancy. Quite the contrary, being pregnant with her helped keep us grounded, together, and hopeful.

My youngest brother passed away in a car accident when I was 29 weeks pregnant. Actually, he died on our wedding anniversary which really seemed like the candle on a very volatile cake. It wasn’t good. And so the grieving process was a bit hard. Steve and I were on the mend from a pretty nasty fight. So you can imagine the things left unsaid, undone were weighing on me. On top of that, John and I were in a very sensitive “stage of reconstruction” (so to speak) in our marriage. And being that pregnant and wanting to grieve without restriction was difficult. Everyone (including myself) reminded me to “stay calm, rest, don’t hyperventilate, eat, etc”. When really all I wanted to do was scream bloody murder at the top of my lungs until I felt like the whole world could hear me. I wanted to beat something I was so angry. I wanted to curl up and forget everything…everyone. I wanted to march into church and spit, curse, give God a piece of my mind. Everything in me wanted to burst. And holding it in seemed to make it worse. But I managed to put on a face, stayed as collected and “calm” as possible, and counted the weeks until I could explode.

We couldn’t afford to pay out of pocket for a homebirth. We had moved back to central Minnesota and were able to use my childhood doctor as our baby doc. I trusted her and was comforted to know she was fine with everything we wanted for our birthing experience. But as the weeks went on I became more and more anxious. I begged her and pressured her to induce me. And finally she told me we’d give it a try with a date set just before my 39 week mark. I was relieved. John, though he didn’t like my decision, tried to be supportive. All I could think about was being done so I could grieve. All John could think about was me and what an induction would most likely mean. I listened to him but reassured him that I could handle it. I was scheduled to arrive in the evening and they’d induce me with a patch that would bring on labor and then it could be removed once I reach a certain point. The thing is, when the doc went to insert this patch on my uterus, I wasn’t quite dilated enough which made things a bit uncomfortable. Finally the patch was put in place and I was monitored. All night. Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. No progression. No hard contractions. My doctor came back in the morning and sent me home. I was mad. I was embarrassed. I was frustrated. And I was impatient. Clearly my body was not ready…..my baby was not ready. And so I waited for another week. Eight days later we went back in determined to not leave without baby in arms. I had progressed a little bit more making it easier to insert the patch again. This time contraction came on strong! So strong in fact that a few hours after placing it, they decided to remove it thinking my contractions would keep up. Not the case. With the patch I reached 4 or 5 centimeters and stalled for the rest of the night. We walked. I bounced on the ball. I labored in the tub. I tried to sleep (with no success). Nothing. I was far enough along to be mildly uncomfortable and unable to rest though I was not progressing despite my efforts. My doctor came in early morning to check me and suggested pitocin. I was exhausted and game for anything. I was hooked up to pitocin and about 2 hours later they broke my water. By that point things were really going. Oh my was I in pain! The pitocin was causing contractions….HARD contractions that I wasn’t geared up for. These contractions felt worse that the contractions you’d feel during transition…and I was hardly 5-6 centimeters! I was not ready for that. Plus having my water broken forced things even harder. I understood why women demand the drugs at that point. I beared with it for a while. Laboring in the tub and mostly on the bed. I forget all the details that led up to this next part, but I reached a breaking point. I completely lost any control/calm/focus that I had had. I was breathing through a particularly hard contraction and leaning on John and someone (I can’t remember if it was John or my doctor) said, “Theresa you are doing so good. Keep going. Breath through it. Offer it for Stephen.” I broke. I mean hyperventilating, body spasms, burst into tears breaking going on. It was like I couldn’t do it anymore. The focus had shifted and everything that I had pent up inside came barreling out PLUS the contractions. What the heck is a laboring woman to do?! The only way they could calm me down before another contraction came was to strap on some breathing mask and give me a small dose of some sort of sedative. It took the edge off but it wasn’t enough. I was exhausted and too far along to quit and too grieved to focus. That small dose of painkiller turned into a full blown epidural shortly after. Oh that thing felt good! Wow. I managed to get a 4 hour nap in while my body finished dilating. The doctor came in and told me I was ready to push. I didn’t feel anything so I just took her word for it. Now, I KNOW what that “uncontrollable urge to push” feels like and since I didn’t have it and I couldn’t feel anything down there I had a hard time pushing. Apparently I was kinda pushing. But how does one know?! Baby was still high, my pushing efforts were not doing much, and we were going on 12 hours since water break and 24 hours since onset of labor. By that point I had submitted to everything that I didn’t initially want. I was frustrated too. I pushed and pushed and about 1.5 hours later my doc tells me that either we turn off the epidural and kick up the pitocin so I can FEEL when to push or we start getting the forceps or vacuum out or we discuss surgery. None of those sounded nice at all. I knew what the pitocin would do. I’d turn into a crazed lunatic with no energy to handle it if we opted for that. The instruments were NOT going to happen. And after some tears and some reassurance from my loving doctor, I consented to surgery. John was so worried. I was completely exhausted. And my doctor, though not liking the surgery decision either, saw it as our best option by that point.

*note: baby was fine. I was fine. Neither of us was in distress or under any health concerns. My doctor said that my body had been forced into labor and was working so hard that it was swelling making it harder for the baby to move down. Plus the time factor.

It was a matter of 15 minutes between giving my consent and being strapped onto the operating table. It went fast. And it was a bit of a blur. I remember John sitting right next to me, both of us a bit teary eyed. I remember feeling some pulling/tugging and then less than 15-20 minutes later I was being stitched up and wheeled back to my room. John went with the baby and met me back in my room.

Yvette Mariana Backowski was born on Thursday, October 18, 2007 at 9:21pm. She weighed in at 8lbs 9oz and 21.5 inches long.

I was wheeled back to my room where John and Yvette greeted me. She was beautiful! And John was relieved to have us both in the room. I couldn’t hold her for several hours because my body was reacting to the drugs I had. I had the shakes really bad followed by severe headaches. I was worried I’d drop her because I had no control over them. All I wanted to do was cuddle her and nurse her but I couldn’t. I couldn’t. So her first 24 hours she was fed by the nurses and held mostly by visitors. I was too weak and shaky to. We stayed in the hospital until that following Sunday.

Recovery was harsh. Because I had labored so hard to the point of pushing before ultimately having surgery, I suffered from both vaginal and abdominal recovery from labor. It wasn’t fun. It took almost 10 weeks before I finally started feeling like things were getting better.

Though we were both a bit disappointed with how things went, I suppose it could have been expected. I’ve had several friends and family members who have gone through similar birth experiences…
Wanting to try to do it naturally…getting anxious and opting for induction…which in turn usually (not always) leads to epidurals, vacuums, forceps, and/or surgery.
It’s a common pattern. And it works for people. It just wasn’t how we desired things to go. But in the end we went home with a healthy beautiful baby girl - which is what we wanted. Is there anything better than that?

Get Dressed!

2011-10-12T15:48:00.002-05:00

Attention Stay At Home Moms!!!

What is the “Get Dressed!” Challenge? It’s a one-month motivotional (motivation + devotional) where you are encouraged to go from “frumps” to “pumps” in the everyday. Why a month? The goal with “Get Dressed!” is to help you build into the habit of getting dressed and looking nice everyday.

Are you ready? Let’s get dressed!

Miss Sarah Mae from Like A Warm Cup of Coffee is hosting this challenge. It sounds like the kind of thing I need given the cold weather coming in. It is so easy to stay in my warm jammy pants, slippers, and hoodie until I feel like getting dressed, which to be honest with you, is sometimes closer to lunch time than I'd like to admit. "Puddling" is what we call it here....puddling around in comfort. I know I feel more put together, ready for the day, and prepared for the occasional visitor if I am dressed and ready for my day before everyone else. And when I do manage that it is usually jeans and hoodie. I've got some cute maternity clothes that are just sitting in a box so I really have no excuse. Here's to stepping it up a notch. Everyday "visitor-ready"......

Join me! Grab a button on Sarah Mae's page.....

Daily Bread (part 1)

2011-10-11T20:34:00.000-05:00

I love to cook. And for the most part I am fairly successful at it. I don’t usually try to make a recipe up…I’m not that creative. However I have been known to try a new recipe a few times and tweek it a little before settling on a version that suits us best. I love to try new things. New recipes are awesome and fun. However, I have been an utter failure at 2 things:

1. Pie crust
2. Bread

The thing with the pie crust is that it works when I do the recipe WITH someone. But never when I’m going solo does it actually turn out to be edible. Figure that one out.

And bread. Oh, the lost art! My mom wasn’t a bread maker. And my great-grammy wasn’t one either, at least not in the years that I noticed her cooking. Apparently Grammy baked bread daily for her brood of 9.……years and years slash generations ago. ;-) How I wish I could be a fly in her kitchen when she was in her prime. What an experience that would have been.
Anyway, the extent of my bread making has always been with a bread machine. Sure bread in the bread machine is homemade, but there is just something about bread “the old way” that makes a heart melt and a tummy satisfied. Every single time I’ve tried handmade bread it either doesn’t rise, turns out too flaky and dry, it’s a brick, or it tastes like nothing. Not one single time do I remember a loaf that was successful. And believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried different techniques like in which in theory works. I know it has worked for my parents. It has worked for friends of mine. But me? Nope. Or of course there’s my good old friend Betty Crocker who always pulls through for me. Except in the bread department. I’ve tried the old church cookbooks. I’ve watched tutorials. No success.

Until today. I decided it was time. Early this year John’s Aunt Maralene came for a visit and brought me a Sam’s Club sized package of yeast, some bread making tips that work for her, and this cookbook I was grateful and I tried a couple recipes but they didn’t quite work out for me so the cookbook has been sitting on my shelf for months. Today I thought I’d give it a whole hearted try. I literally “slaved” over the very first recipe all day. I spent this morning following the recipe step by step. I was patient and loving in my attempt. And guess what. The most yummy, perfectly golden, evenly shaped, moist and not crumbly loaf of bread came out of the oven early this evening. Just in time for dessert. Yup. Homemade bread for dessert. And the kids loved it! I’d share a picture but…the camera has disappeared. (Yvette likes to roam around when she is supposed to be napping and I’m certain she was playing around with it and won’t fess up because it was next to the computer before naptime and after naptime it was gone. Hmmm….) I’m sure it will turn up soon.

And when it does, I will share a pick. IF of course I can do this again. Big IF...

Gotta Love This!

2011-10-11T12:31:00.000-05:00

Thought this might make y'all smile.

All In A Day's Work

2011-10-06T08:00:00.000-05:00

Remember those corn fields I posted just the other day? Well, this is what they look like now...

What my husband spent the day driving...

The kids love a visit to the tractor...

Wyatt is in heaven when he is near the tractors. I thought Hayden had a tractor obsession!...nothing compared to Wyatt

And of course the combine not too far away...

And you wanna know what makes me melt?....
seeing this man.....with our kids......

*sigh* how can I resist him?! He works harder than anyone I know. He knows how to drive heavy machinery. He can split almost an entire winter's worth of wood with just a splitting maul (and not mind!). He absolutely loves being a dad! He's extraordinarily easy on the eyes. And he loves me to pieces. I could go on and on and on........but I won't (today). How the heck did I get so lucky?! God knows I don't deserve him. But I thank Him for such a man every single day!

View of the Farm

2011-10-05T06:00:00.000-05:00

Last night we went on a little trip around the property. It really wasn't very long but I did enjoy it. Our little 10 acre piece is surrounded by miles of crops/fields, which I love.
Here are a ~~few~~ bunch of pics.....

view from the western boarder (facing north). It isn't much to look at...it's old and kinda messy right now, but it is home and we LOVE it.

turning to the right (facing east)

and another right (facing south)

and another right (facing west)

and the kids......
They like to pick up the cobs of corn that the combines miss so they can have food for the geese at the park, a treat for Kevin, and the alpacas like a few sweet snacks every now and again.

Wyatt was mad at me because I wouldn't hold him. He's still so much the baby. *sigh* I should probably work a little harder on that before March.

Yvette and Hayden chasing after the trailer trying to jump back in...

and, of course, John saying "hi" to the alpacas. Can you count them? Yup...there are 7. We got 2 more this year (prego females). More about that in another "Alpacas 101" post.

and Fiona. She's a brute and huge and usually knocks the kids down just to love on them. Isn't she pretty? For a dog, I mean. We love her. We really do.

and the kids one more time....
Can't a mom get a decent group pick? Apparently not. This is the best they'd do for me. I guess I'll take what I can get.

Fall on the Farm

2011-10-04T13:39:00.000-05:00

It has been such beautiful weather lately that I can't help but spend most of the days outside. I truly love this time of year.

Just a fraction of what is still out in the pumpkin patch. Gosh I hope we can get of them before it freezes again. Aren't they beautiful?!

This is the first year we haven picked edible fruit from out super old apple tree. All the other years they have been too tart to eat or no fruit at all. This year we have only about a 5 gallon bucket full but the apples are large and very yummy. Perfect pie apples....tart yet juicy and a little bit sweet. I hope it produces more next year.

Part of a winter's worth of wood. John is still working on the pile, though it is about 1/3 of what it was about a month ago. He's pretty great.

Meet Kevin, our lone guinea hen. He has quite the character. More about his story later.

Anyway, life on this little farm these days has been busy, beautiful, and fruitful. Hope y'all are enjoying your fall too.

Hayden's Birth

2011-10-03T13:05:00.001-05:00

My due date was October 26th. That came and went! Our midwife was calm and reassuring. She gave us a list of labor inducing activities. ;-) A warm bath and a small glass of wine was nice. Raspberry leaf tea, black cohosh, long walks uphill, dancing, scrubbing the floor on all fours, spicy foods, etc. All of which we did. And then some. November came. Days passed. On November 3rd in the morning I called my midwife and told her I was going grocery shopping for the last time before the baby came. I also informed her that I was going to pick up a bottle of Castor oil. She laughed and suggested 2 ways of taking it, but that I needed to make sure I called her as soon as I took it. And then to keep her updated on any progress. You know how nerve racking that was?! Trying to induce my own labor like that! All I could think about was my mother. She was 10 days late with me and took Castor oil. Three hours later she was in hard labor and called her doc. 45 minutes of labor and I was out. I stared at that bottle and tried to decide how ready I was for this. And then I took it.
I went about my day finishing up laundry, cleaning up the kitchen, vacuuming, etc. Nothing was happening. Hours later and nothing happened. Apparently I was either going to be sitting on the toilet for days or I’d go into labor or both. Nothing happened. I called my midwife about 4 hours later and she said to take another ½ dose. Great. Power shitting here we come. But at 9 days over due I was ready and willing to suffer anything to get this baby out. So I took the second dose late afternoon. And waited. John got home, he ate supper (I didn’t want anything more in my stomach, thanks), we showered and crawled into bed early expecting something to happen soon. Nothing. We went to bed about 7:45pm. And at that point I had felt nothing. Not one contraction. I started to doze off when it all began. Around 8:15pm I began feeling contractions. I didn’t wake John, I just stared at the clock and timed them. Right away they were 30-40 seconds long and about 6 minutes apart but they weren’t too strong yet. That changed quickly. By 9:30pm they were 4 minutes apart and a solid 45 seconds long and I had to breathe through them. I could still walk and function but they were getting strong. We called the midwife and her doula. The doula came over shortly before midnight, checked me, and said I had a bit to go before Monica would come. We walked and talked and swayed and moaned through the contractions. By 1am Monica (the midwife) was there. She checked me and said I was about 6cm and had some work to do yet. I was okay. It was hard. But I honestly can’t say it was terribly painful at that point. Everyone stayed calm and focused. John massaged my back as I was having terrible back pain. That hurt more than the contractions. By 3am I was getting tired and anxious and it was starting to really get difficult. Monica checked me again and said I was close and suggested that I do the stairs a few times to speed things up. “Are you kidding me?!” I yelled at her. She just laughed. John walked with me. During the 1 minute between each contraction I quickly went down the stairs, braced myself for the contraction, then ran back up the stairs. I am certain it was quite the site. But it did the job. A few time of that and I was almost a 10. At that point I could barely stand up but Monica kept telling me that there was a “lip” of cervix left and I shouldn’t push yet. She kept trying to push it aside during my contractions but I could hardly take her doing that. Oh my goodness I felt like I was going into shock. Apparently it was transition (the point between full dilation and pushing). Eventually I was ready. Monica suggested trying a couple different position for pushing. I pushed on all fours. That was NOT comfortable for me. I pushed standing up. My legs almost went out from under me. Finally I just laid down on the bed and John was behind. That didn’t work either. Plus he wanted to watch and I needed to SEE him to keep myself calm.

Note: John was absolutely amazing during my whole labor. He never left my side. Not once. He massaged my back, he held me, he was my rock. Every time I thought I was going to lose it, I focused on him and held eye contact and I’d find my way back to a calm breathable state. I know labor was difficult for him too. I remember looking at him during a particularly difficult moment and he was teary eyed. Helpless yet THERE, which to me meant everything.

Women say there is a relief in pushing. I’m not so sure. Pushing was almost more difficult that dilation (for me). It took 3 hours….3 hours! To push him out. I remember at one point probably half way through pushing Monica says to me “Theresa, you have to focus and really push as hard as you can or we’re going to have to get in the car and head to hospital.” Apparently his heart rate had dropped a bit. It wasn’t terribly low but if he didn’t come out soon, she was concerned he’d go into distress. Well, I wasn’t about to walk my laboring self to the car and be driven to the hospital. No way. And I wasn’t going to risk my baby’s well-being by not giving my all. I mustered up the strength and energy to push a million times harder. Oh my goodness! Talk about empowering. Talk about strength! From there on out I don’t remember pain or difficulty. I remember pushing and the burning from his head crowning. And then his head came out and his slippery little body came out in the next push. 9:26am November 4, 2005 Hayden was laid on my tummy….pink, cone headed, and screaming. I burst into tears. As John said, “there were four of us in the room all night and now there is five.” He cried too. Nobody said anything more for several minutes. I delivered the placenta and they cut the cord. Finally after about 5 minutes of staring and soaking up my baby the doula says, “Well, ya gonna look to see what you got?” It hadn’t occurred to us that we didn’t know if it was a boy or girl. BOY. All 10lbs 4oz and 21.5 inches of him. He was perfect. And I lay there staring into his eyes. We had a few moments of complete perfection.

The midwife did her tests and weighed Hayden. John stayed with him while the doula (Jana) helped me into the tub to get washed up. When I returned to the room, our bedding had been changed, everything was cleaned up, and John was standing in the corner ogling our son. I crawled into bed, cradled Hayden, and we all fell asleep. Monica and Jana threw the bedding into the wash machine, filled out their paperwork, packed up their stuff and left before I could even say thank you.

We spent the next couple days in bed together, all of us resting. It was awesome. Truly awesome. Our families came a couple days afterward. Of course John’s parents were shocked and concerned about him being born at home, but ultimately they were excited and happy. My parents came with Steve and Isabell (Betty had to work) and we spent the afternoon together. They were all so proud and happy. I’ll never forget those first few days of bliss. Tired, exhausted, loving bliss.

FYI and TMI: Did I end up with an episiotomy? Nope. It took me so long to push him out that I gradually stretched and didn’t tear. What a relief! Oh, and the pain afterward was almost worse than the whole labor. It was so hard for me to get out of bed to use the bathroom. John had to literally lift me to a standing position because my whole bottom half was so exhausted and sore.

Was it worth it? ABSOLUTELY! And the crazy thing was that I was anxious to do it again. I can’t even begin to tell you the high I got from labor. Oh my goodness! It was a total rush! Like climbing a mountain and then the freedom of jumping off and flying. It was truly awesome. It was way more intense than anything I had ever experienced…EVER. I understood right then why women would want to do it again, why they would talk about it as “wonderful, mind-blowing, a high”. It is absolutely that and then some.

Labor is mostly mental. If you can train yourself mentally to focus, breath, almost meditate during contractions, you’ll have the birth experience of your life!

p.s. I have a disc with picture from Hayden’s birth but I can’t seem to find it. I will post them as soon as I find the disc.
p.s.s. stay tuned for Yvette’s birth story soon. Hers is completely different in every way…failed induction, second induction, long labor, drugs, etc. Details to follow….

Why Did We Chose the Natural Way?

2011-10-02T18:50:00.001-05:00

I thought I’d begin my many upcoming natural childbirth posts with Hayden’s birth story. It really set the pace for my/our passionate view on the subject. And I say ours because my husband John may just be more passionate about the subject than I am. If it were up to him, I’d give birth outside with only him attending. Seriously. He’s pretty hardcore.

Anyway, a jump back in time……

We found out we were pregnant with Hayden shortly after Valentine’s Day 2005. We were ecstatic. A little stunned like most first parents get, but so happy. I remember we were watching The Last Samuri, eating pizza, and drinking beer. I suspected perhaps I was pregnant but I wasn’t quite late yet and I figured that a possible last night of beer sounded like a treat. We paused the movie for a bathroom break and John says, “Well…you gonna pee on the stick or not?” He was just a little anxious. I was nervous. I came back with the test screaming “pregnant”. John beamed ear to ear for about a week. I was happy and filled with so many questions. The next day I spent hours in Barnes and Noble picking out about 3 different pregnancy books, I perused the maternity section at Old Navy, and picked up some ice cream. As I read through the books I began to get more nervous than excited. Reading about labor and delivery made me scared. Like seriously scared. And episiotomies?! Geesh! I was ready to opt for a c-section instead of risk tearing or being cut. Actually, the more drugs the better. I was convinced. There was no way in hell I was going to be able to handle what was inevitably going to happen to me.

I asked the few friends I had who had had babies already and their birth stories were horrendous. Not one single friend I talked to told me about a wonderful birth experience. Not one. I figured I was destined to suffer tremendous amounts of pain, my body was going to get the beating of it’s life, and if I didn’t use the drugs I would probably die (sarcasm here) or never have any more kids.

I resigned myself to this mentality and accepted the inevitable. Until about half way through. I became aware of a rare syndrome that John has. I can’t even tell you the name but it has something to do with his body not being able to absorb pain medication normally. Apparently when he had his tonsils out he stopped breathing and his heart rate dropped. That is when they discovered his sensitivity to certain anesthetics and pain meds. I’m not a doc so I can’t really say anything more than that with certainty. Anyway, this scared me. What if this rarity was passed on? What if this baby had a similar sensitivity? All the books said that those laboring drugs don’t effect the baby, but to me that didn’t make sense. If I couldn’t drink or smoke during pregnancy because of the alcohol and tobacco in my bloodstream being passed right to the baby, then what about those drugs that are directly squirted into my veins. Why would they be exempt from being passed too…even in miniscule amounts. This was my logic. And to this day it makes sense to me. But apparently I’m probably just over thinking it.
Anyway, this was where my mind went. This made me more scared then the physical pain, abuse, and ripping that my body would take. We began to research natural laboring techniques. The Brady Method took front stage. We wanted to talk to other people who sought natural childbirth as well. There weren’t any classes. Our doctor laughed at us and told me I shouldn’t try to be super-woman because most woman can’t handle it. He totally disregarded our medical concerns. Plus, John made the point that woman gave birth without drugs for centuries, what makes women nowadays any different. ? Good point. I was getting close to my 28 week mark and I still hadn’t signed up for a birthing class or even found one that I wanted to take. That’s when someone suggested looking for a doula or maybe a midwife to attend the birth to help keep things natural and calm. I was open to that. The first one I called was super sweet and invited us to attend her birthing class that started that same week. Just our luck!
Our first birthing classes were so awesome and motivating! Who knew that women could do this most spectacular thing!. And walk away not only alive but empowered, happy, and wanting to do it again! Who knew?! I certainly didn’t. But then I remembered a particular family I babysat for in high school. They had like 5 kids…all at home! That to me was crazy. It was crazy then and it sounded crazy still but somehow my mind started wondering… “could that be the answer? Can I really do that? They talk about it so lovingly. Should we talk about it?”
In early September we decided it was time to tour the birthing ward at the hospital. I knew that if I was going to successfully give birth without drugs, being relaxed and calm was of the utmost importance. And comfort. Not being distracted by my surroundings, being able to focus, not being disrupted or pushed to hurry up, etc. These were important and I understood that. After touring the birth ward, asking questions, and pretty much being laughed at again by the nurses, I looked at John as we walked out and said, “I can’t do it there.” It was then that we openly discussed the possibility of a homebirth. He was concerned about my pain tolerance. I was concerned that the midwife wouldn’t be available and what our families would say. Well, the midwife was available and coached us during those last weeks, I knew that if I could mentally prepare myself then physically I could do it, and we told no one of the homebirth except a couple friends we knew would be supportive and not question us. My mother knew simply because I needed to tell someone close. She had her reservations and we talked about it. But ultimately she respected our decision, trusted that everything would be fine, and supported us wholeheartedly. I love her. I’m pretty sure my dad knew too as she can’t keep too many things a secret from him. J
And so it was final. We were doing a homebirth. And we were excited! A bit naïve about the whole thing, but aren’t all first time parents?

This is how the whole natural childbirth passion came about for us. It was a sort of “have to” in our minds. When in actuality it wasn’t…at all. But that’s okay. Because having a successful homebirth the first time around set the pace for the rest.

The actual birth story in the near future.

Supper Tonight and Some Funny

2011-09-30T18:39:00.000-05:00

Have I mentioned how much I love the fact that most of our staple foods are grown from our own little farm or another family member's farm? LOVE this! Love. It is both consoling and satisfying knowing that our food is grown in good soil, lovingly taken care of, harvested by eager loving hands, and passed to family and friends that appreciate good food. Is there anything more satisfying? Well...probably, but at this moment, as I am smelling apple crisp pulled from the oven, chicken in the rotisserie, roasting seasoned potatoes, and sweet corn warming on the stove, I honestly can't think of anything more satisfying to this hungry pregnant woman than sitting down with my whole family and enjoying such a feast. Everything is homegrown. Everything. *sigh* YUM.

(I'd take a picture, but I still can't find my battery charger for the camera)

OH. And this little tidbit was funny. I was reading a friend's blog and came across this picture.....

Yvette squeals as she says, "Mom!....you know who that looks like?!"

"Who Yvette?" I'm thinking she doesn't really know anybody that looks like this cute old man.

"It looks like my Daddy!....just like my Daddy!"

*hmmm. Don't know where she got that one. But it was funny.

John can't ever know. ;-)

Alpaca 101

2011-09-28T21:02:00.001-05:00

Llamas, alpacas, llamas, alpacas. What are they? Most people assume they are llamas because, well, that’s really as exotic as people know around here. I know when John first mentioned alpacas to me I thought, “Al-whats?” Understanding what they are and their uniqueness, I can now say that equating an alpaca to a llama is like equating a yak with a cow. They sort of look kinda alike in a different sort of way. Kind of.

Here’s scoop……

What’s the difference?
Both are from the camelid family, but each serves a different purpose. Llamas are about 300 lbs and are made for packing and/or guarding livestock. Alpacas are much smaller, between 120-150 lbs and are solely used for their fleece, which is softer than cashmere and twice as warm as wool.

Llama

Alpaca

Where did they come from?
Alpacas are a South American relative of the Camel. Closer relatives include the domesticated llama, the wild guanaco, and vicunas. This family of animals originated on the plains of North America about 10 million years ago. A common ancestor to the South American camelids migrated to South America about 2.5 million years ago. Alpacas were domesticated 6,000 years ago as a prized possession by the ancient Incas because of the quality of alpaca fleece, which was spun and woven into garments.

And so we will begin a little series I’d like to generically call: Alpaca 101

If you want to jump ahead, feel free to check out our alpaca source Alpacas of Montana. James and Sarah have been absolutely wonderful in their guidance, training, and sale of their animals. Wonderful wonderful people. Make sure you check out their site full of details about alpacas, farm set up, business tips, etc. I’ll be using a lot of the information they post as it is well read and hits all the basics and then some.

If you have a question, please ask.

Blog-Lovin'

2011-09-27T20:52:00.000-05:00

Apparently there are a whole lot of people that read my blog. Several people comment to me either through email, through face book, or verbally. LOTS of people chit-chat with my mother about my blog posts. But the thing is, very few of you leave comments on the blog and I currently only have 12 “followers”. So……what does a woman have to do to get some blog-love? Post more often? Okay. Our canning season is winding down and I am finding more time. Done. What do you want to hear about? This blog has turned into a hodge-podge of random thoughts, simple daily life, opinions that people may or may not want to hear, or nothing at all. When I began Preserving Love, I did it with the intention of transmitting the joy of simple living. A joy in simple things that has been passed down through the matriarchs of my family…something that I want to share and pass down through my own children. I wanted to transmit the possibility of joy in simple things that are chosen not necessarily the consequence of. I try to stick to that but sometimes it just seems a bit boring or redundant. I mean, how many times can I sing the praises of my clothesline for crying out loud! Or post pics of my canning sessions. I mean, who wants to keep hearing about that?! I get some solid comments when I post “real life” things like the dissolving of a friendship, death, miscarriage, simple romance, etc. What is it you guys want to hear about?

A few posts I can foresee in the near future:
*baby prep
*natural childbirth - something I am very passionate about
*simple renovations on the house - in prep for baby
*pumpkin harvest
*alpaca stuff
*knitting projects underway
*crash course in bread making - I’m going to “teach” myself. That should be interesting!
*a few book reviews - I’m reading some good ones

And of course don’t forget about the random occasions that launch me to my soapbox. One can never plan for those times. ;-)

I guess the direction I am going with this is:

PLEASE leave me a comment if you have one.
PLEASE “follow” my blog if you find yourself stalking it for current posts. I like to know that I’m liked. ;-)
And PLEASE leave me suggestions because sometimes I am just at a loss so I don’t post anything.

"All Is Grace"

2011-09-23T13:38:00.003-05:00

translation: face (left) body (right)

There you have it. Pregnant again. Though we were a little surprised that it happened right away after miscarrying. I mean, it took months to conceive our little angel Lyla Jayne. We are happy and oh-so excited to welcome another member into our family. We decided not to make any sort of grand announcement this time around as we did have some concerning times during the first couple months.
Wanna hear a sweet grace from God? In early August I began to experience some fairly serious spotting, though I didn’t necessarily have the cramps to go along with it. I was terrified! I called my doctor and discussed with him what was going on. I really didn’t want to go into the clinic only to be told (again) what I didn’t want to hear but might already know. He, being the amazingly compassionate man that he is, suggested that I rest, try to relax, and we won’t make any assumptions for a couple weeks. The lack of cramping was what gave us the slightest bit of hope and deterred any scheduling of a D&C. We’ll make a decision at 10 weeks. I waited, prayed, rested, and tried to keep a positive outlook though I cannot tell you how difficult it was having just gone through a miscarriage. The days passed and my appointment day finally arrived. I was so nervous and scared!
Tears flooded my eyes has I lay there listening to the strong, steady, rapid heartbeat of my little baby still growing inside me. Grace.

“All is grace.” - Ann Voskamp from One Thousand Blessings

Why the scare? We aren’t entirely certain though the beginning of August was a fairly stressful time for me. That is the only thing we could think of: stress.
Needless to say, we are determined to try to stay stress-free and happy for the duration of this pregnancy. Is that too much to strive for? Maybe. But so far it seems to be a bit happier around here. At least for me. Knowing my baby is happy, healthy, growing, and KICKING me! My husband is content and proud that his brood is growing once again. ;-) The kids are excited about their new baby coming.

Hayden says to me this morning on the drive to school, “Mom. What are we going to name the baby in your tummy?”

“I’m not sure Hayden. Do you have any suggestions?”

“Yeah! How about Lightening McQueen?”

“Hayden. Really? Lightening McQueen?”

“Yeah, Mom. I like that name,” he says in total earnest.

“Well, how about you talk to your dad about that,” was the only reply I could think of without totally rejecting the idea and/or laughing. He was serious. So I think perhaps it requires some discussion before tossing the idea. Hey, maybe he can nickname the baby Lightening McQueen until it comes out. I could handle that. And he might settle for that idea.

Kids. Is there anything better than their innocence? I honestly can’t think of anything.

p.s. I am due on March 19th. What a wonderful birthday gift that would be!

What's On Your Shelf?

2011-09-18T21:58:00.000-05:00

I’ve never been a huge reader. Not really anyway. Sure the occasional novel has drawn me in to the point where I get a little obsessed until I am done with it. But for the most part, reading just hasn’t been my “thing”. That is until a couple years ago. It was like all of a sudden I had this grand appreciation for the library and every single possibility in it. There were a couple months where I’d go through a novel or two a week. I’d walk through the fiction isles and grab titles that caught my eye. Some were decent, some really stunk, and some I read twice before returning. I’ve done the audio books also, which I think are God’s gift to busy moms! Wow. Talk about multitasking. I can fold laundry and enjoy an audio book. Drive and enjoy an audio book. KNIT and enjoy an audio book. Yup, those audio books are great. But for the most part I really appreciate cracking open a good book (both fiction and nonfiction alike), snuggling down under the covers or curled up on the couch and losing myself within the pages. A sweet escape.

At this moment I don’t really have anything too exciting on my book stack, but they are good ones.

Woman First, Family Always by Kathryn Sansone
An inspirational book written by a woman with 10 children

The Strong Willed Child by Dr James Dobson
Anybody who knows my Wyatt would smile at the fact that this book has been on my shelf for many months. I think this is the 3 time I’ve read through it hoping to use more details. He’s good, Dr Dobson. He’s very good.

One Thousand Blessings by Ann Voskamp
Such a beautiful reflection of life’s simple moments. Ms Voskamp has an almost poetic way of seeing the ordinary and in turn thanking the Good Lord for all things. “All is grace.”

Strangers and Sojourners by Michael Obrien
I’ve read his books so many times since high school and have fallen more in love with the stories and characters each time I read them. Mr Obrien writes of ordinary people, their relationships with each other, and a simple extraordinary faith in God. A must read….over and over again. Perhaps the only series just about everyone in my family appreciates equally. Which says a lot, as we are all very very very different in our preferences.

Chosen and Cherished by Kimberly Hahn
A catholic bible study written by a former protestant minister’s wife. I love the passion and appreciation of the scriptures that converts bring. Something I feel most catholics lack. Ms Hahn covers the first parts of Proverbs 31. Love this!

What is on your shelf? Anything good? Anything worth recommending? I like anything that has some meat to it. And of course the occasional Twilight novel. Yup, I caved and have read the series a couple times these past 4 years. Is that embarrassing? I feel like it probably should be, but am finding that losts of people are closet Twilight fans.
Whatever. I own them. Guilty tweeny pleasure I guess.

Headwaters Day

2011-09-10T15:05:00.000-05:00

Our little twin towns (Breckenridge, MN and Wahpeton, ND) have an annual celebration called Headwaters Day. Headwaters Day originated after the big flood of 1997 when the entire area was completely under water. Completely. Since then there have been flood precautions made to ensure the safety and well-being of the towns. Shortly after the big flood, this celebration began to bring the communities back together. All of the local businesses participate and donate what they can. Participants purchase a button for $3 for the day. That button gets you a pancake breakfast, admission into fair ground activities, a grilled lunch, a free movie in the theater that afternoon, etc. Its really quite the bargain and a whole lot of fun! Of course there are local venders, crafters, fundraisers, etc. This year we purchased 2 ducks for the duck races. What are duck races? Well, for $5 you get a rubber ducky that is marked. At a set time in the afternoon all the duckies are placed in the river on the Breckenridge side, released, and they float down to the Wahpeton side. The winning duckie gets the grand prize of $1500 cash. Pretty awesome right?!! Totally worth it. :-) I think I just like the idea of hundreds of tiny rubber duckies racing down the river. Yup....that pretty much makes me smile every time I think of it.

And the parade. This town can do a parade! Wow. A handful of firetrucks. Businesses really go all out and decorate their floats, throw candy (the good kind!...like skittles, m&ms, starburst, etc).....LOTS of candy!, they give away tickets for shows or raffles, they dance, they have the marching band playing. It is really really awesome. Hayden's school, St Mary's Catholic School, had a little float with K-1 graders on it throwing loads of candy, waving, and wearing school t-shirts. He had so much fun.

Okay, pictures.......I think they speak for themselves......

Wyatt, Hayden, and Yvette before the parade. Hayden was excited. Really. He was.

Such a dream come true for the day.

Wyatt looked like a little natural on that horse!

He loved it. Absolutely loved it. And was so proud to tell him dad what he did all by himself.

Yvette waiting for her brothers and dad to be done making a rope.

Such a fantastic community to be a part of! What a day.

Death's Certainty

2011-09-09T22:18:00.001-05:00

I don’t think people actually think about the very real possibility that just days from today they could be burying someone they love dearly….or they may be the one being buried. Death comes when it pleases. Sometimes it is expected. Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it is warranted. Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it is self inflicted. Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it is prepared for. Usually it isn’t. How do you prepare for death? How do you prepare for the death of a loved one? Is it even possible to? I’m not entirely certain either way. All I know is that it happens. It happens to everyone in their own way. And it effects everyone in a different way. Death. Death is as certain as…well…death may be the most certain thing there is. Life is not certain. The rising and setting of the sun is not certain. Food, jobs, love, breath, movement, those things are not certain. But death is. Death is certain for every single living creature/thing. So why the heck don’t people prepare for it? Why don’t people think about it often? Why is it so darned hard to face it? Why are people so shocked and confused when it happens? Why do people ask “Why?“ in the midst of grief? It is the most certain thing there is (in my opinion). Now, that certainty isn’t always easy to accept. And our human frailty, sinfulness, pride, lack of faith, selfishness, etc are those things that weaken us in the face it.

I ask these thing as one who struggles with this reality. I really didn’t know death until my grandfather died 10 years ago. He just died. He was 67 years old and he woke up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water and he collapsed in the kitchen. He died of an aneurysm. I didn’t go to his funeral, though looking back I probably should have. I just remember praying for him. Praying and praying and praying. And praying for my grandmother. Oh that woman is strong! Four years later we buried my great-grandmother. A dear dear friend she was. I was fortunate enough to have her so close growing up. She was my Grammy, as my other two grandmothers lived out of state and we didn’t see them much. And what a Grammy she was! Wow. Her passing was hard, but beautiful. Expected. She was ready. She was old…93 I think. She lived a long, good, loving life. And she died surrounded by her children. Her passing was a relief of sorts. But I miss her dearly. Which brings me to the most excruciating death I’ve experienced yet (aside from my 2 miscarriages). 18 short months after my Grammy passed away, my youngest brother was killed in a car accident. He was 25. Sudden deaths of young people I think bring on the most intense confusion, questioning, shock, grief. It’s not to say other deaths are not painful or less of a loss. But in my experience, it is those who pass with hardly any of their life lived that seem to leave the largest hole. One reflects on the possibilities lost, the life shortened, the “why” surfaces. And really there are no answers. To say that time heals all wounds sounds careless and maybe naive. But it is true to some degree. Stephen’s death, though in the moment seemed like an emotional hell at times and it was very very hard to see past the actual pain in the heart that it left our family, but over time we’ve all experienced a degree of peace. The pain is still there, it just isn’t as sharp and excruciating as it was 4 years ago. It is dulled a bit. But I reflect back on those days, weeks, months of fresh grief and I remember thinking “how in the world can we be happy again without him? How can we be a family without him?” Someone told me the real point of growth happens when a person can actually be grateful for the death of a loved one. I know! Grateful. I wanted to slap her! But she’s right. In hindsight I…we’ve seen and experienced many blessings, many fruits from his death. Like somehow God takes an unfortunate circumstance and turns it into good…blessings for everyone. Imagine that! People don’t think that can happen. But it can. I know this. My family knows this. More than once. You see, Stephen isn’t the first sibling I’ve lost. There was another boy between myself and Justin. He died of leukemia when he was just 22 months old (I was 4 months old). Somewhere in there, there was blessing and fruit…..my parents didn’t separate (though statistics say they should have) and they had Stephen shortly after. I remember my father saying that he isn’t sure he would have had the faith to answer a vocation to the deaconate had it not been for the struggle he and my mom went through after Ryan’s death. And right there I am grateful and I know they are too. As my dad is the most amazing Deacon in the Catholic Church. Truly a gifted man who has touched the lives of so many throughout his years as a deacon. God does amazing things through circumstances that seem to be tragic. Does tragedy even exist? People may look at Ryan’s death so young…happening to such young parents as being tragic. But look at the fruits. People may look at Stephen’s death at such a young age, leaving behind a wife and 2 young girls, and grieving (again) parents as tragic. But we have all grown and learned so much in the wake of his death. I, for one, have learned to love. Love without judgment. Love without expectation. Love and forgive. That is what Stephen’s death has taught me. So to say it was a tragedy is almost belittling it…robbing it of its beauty. Again, in the moment it is hard to see these things but in hindsight they are there. God is there. And God.Is.Good.

Today I attended a visitation service for a young woman I didn’t know. She was killed in a motorcycle accident on Labor Day. Her sister-in-law is Yvette’s preschool teacher. She was 25. It brought so much back. Please pray for her family. Her name is Mallie Ann Breuer and she is the only girl with 3 brothers…#3 in the family. Their family seems tight. Very loving. Very connected. Please pray for them.

I feel like there is more to say, but I can’t seem to find words. Perhaps later.

Labor Day

2011-09-05T20:52:00.001-05:00

I hope y'all had as wonderful a Labor Day as we did. Gosh we needed a good family day and today we got it. The day began with John getting to sleep in. He SOOOO needed it. Then we all had a wonderful breakfast of sausage, hashbrowns, and toast. And instead of sticking around home, which we usually do on John's days off, we decided to go fishing. A trip to the gas station to buy a license, a stop a Walmart to pick up a fishing pole for Yvette, and a short drive to the river was all it took. The kids had so much fun. John was in ALL his Daddy-glory. And I got to sit on the hill and watch my family, take pictures, knit a few stitches, and soak up some sun. Yup.....it was a very very happy morning/afternoon. After returning home, I had the honor of taking Hayden school shopping for the last of his materials for school tomorrow. We had fun. And upon returning home, we scurried around getting things put away, food in the oven, and toys picked up to welcome some wonderful friends over for supper. What a perfect ending to a perfectly wonderful day.

Yvette with her new fishing rod

"We almost caught on Mom!"

PRICELESSGod.Is.Good.

The Beginning of Harvest

2011-09-04T14:11:00.003-05:00

I'm pretty sure I've expressed my LOVE of fall/autumn weather. Love love Love. It is crisp and fresh. The bugs aren't too bad. The colors are amazing. And something about harvest season just gets me all warm and fuzzing inside. We aren't quite in our "getting ready for winter" stage yet, but we are getting there. Right now we are deep into canning season. Our tomato harvest is abundant and we find ourselves checking the garden daily and picking baskets full at least every 2-3 days. We have in the past 10 days canned 40 quarts of stewed tomatoes, 30 quarts of spaghetti sauce, and 16 pints of jelly. This week is peaches. I can't take credit for doing the peaches though, but my mom knows my heart is there with her as she jars probably about 8 boxes of peaches. You see, my mother and I have an agreement. John and I grew all the tomatoes this year and are picking picking picking until there aren't any more to pick. And I will can can can until I am out of jars. And blanch and freeze as many tomatoes as possible for my mother. She's taking care of my peaches and I'm taking care of her tomatoes. It's a fair trade. :-) Oh, did I mention the sweetcorn? My mother has a sweetcorn source that grows the sweetest corn I have ever tasted! And last week she bought, shucked, blanched, and bagged 26 dozen ears of corn. Can you believe it?! Amazing. And then she proceeded to bring me some for my freezer. I think she loves me. So then after tomatoes are done (in the next couple weeks) we will move onto apples. I love doing apples. It gets messy and sometimes annoying but apples straight from the tree - especially the trees we get them from - are absolutely luscious. I grew up around canners. My great-grandmother canned everything. And since she lived just across town, she and my mother became the best of canning buddies. I remember picking berries (every kind) for jellies, cucumbers for pickles, sweetcorn for freezing, peaches and pears, apples for sauces and butters, tomatoes for sauce and salsa. They did everything. My great grammy taught my mom so much and I am grateful that she did. So as I follow in my mothers footsteps, I think of Gram and her wrinkled, soft, time-worn hands moving so gracefully over the most delicious food ever. I hear her telling stories and giving tips on how to peel potatoes with a knife at top speed. I giggle because I can hear her contagious laugh that sounded like a joyful warm cackle. And I remember her icy blue eyes twinkling with happiness and love. She was a simple woman who loved with every fiber of her being.....and she loved most through her food, her flowers, and her sewing. The simple things.

I didn't begin this post thinking of Gram, but it certainly ended that way. Which is alright with me because she was definitely a woman I was/am proud to be loved by. Miss you, Grammy.

The Taste of Summer

2011-08-17T12:56:00.000-05:00

I dream of this time of year when the tomatoes are ripe and ready. Can you blame me? Just look at 'em!

And then I make my all time favorite sandwich ever. Tomato, cheese (sharp cheddar), lettuce, mayo, on toasted whole wheat. MMMMmmmmmm.....I might have to make myself another one. Really, nothing tastes better to me at this time of year than this sandwich. No bacon. No lunch meat. Just sharp cheese, red juicy tomato from the garden sprinkled with a pinch of salt and pepper, crispy lettuce, and mayo.

I gotta go. That sandwich is calling my name......again.

Walking Away

2011-08-16T09:15:00.002-05:00

In my life I’ve experienced the gentle wave of friendships coming and going…getting stronger and then fading away. I understand this happens in most friendships. I’ve experienced it. I’ve seen it in the lives of family members. It happens. In hindsight it makes sense. But during those strong moments you can’t ever imagine not being friends with that person. Then life happens, children, moves, change of life, etc and you find your self looking ahead to new things and saying goodbye doesn’t seem so hard. But what happens when a friendship ends abruptly? What happens when a discussion is opened and you realize that it will only continue to spiral out of recognition? What happens when you realize over half of the time you’ve been friends with someone, they’ve been assuming…judging…and never asking for truth or clarification.? And when given truth and clarification ultimately they end up sticking to the assumption/judgments in the first place. What happens then? Do you fight to hang onto a friendship or do you cut your losses?

Friendships should be mutually beneficial. Like most meaningful relationships in a person’s life, a strong true meaningful friendship ought to bring good out of those involved. What good would be had if fighting for a friendship continued to result in wrong assumptions, bad judgment, slander, etc.

I closed the door on a friendship today. Partly on my own but mostly because my husband insisted. I tend to want to fix things…relationships. It isn’t necessarily a good trait I have. But I tend to try to do everything I can to make things right. This time - though it wasn’t as clear to me as it was to John and a few others - there wasn’t anything more to be done or said. It hurts. It’s hard. And yet, I am relieved as I know that I did everything I could have done to save it. I have no regrets.

Today is a new day.

Random loves....

2011-08-15T17:41:00.000-05:00

new movies I've seen and really liked:

Despicable Me - hilarious!
Sofie Scholl - awesome
Get Low - don't have many words for this one other than....watch it

I have a renewed liking for Sour Patch Kids. Almost as yummy as Hot Tamales. Almost.

Vacuum bags. The storage kind you find at Walmart...or on an infomercial. They are truly awesome. Life saving actually. Can you believe I fit 4 king sized down comforters into one XL bag? Yup....down to a size smaller than a couch cushion. Awesome I tell you.

Downsizing. I spent most of my weekend alone cleaning out the kids closets. What in the world was I thinking keeping all those clothes and baby gear?! #1: all the boy clothes have now gone through 2 bodies. Enough is enough. #2: most if not all of our baby gear has gone through 3 babies and is at least 5 years old. The stuff is severely used and could stand to be replaced when the time comes. Downsizing is both therapeutic and lucrative. I now have enough stuff to get rid of to have a garage sale. Plus I'm motivated to keep sorting and finding more.

Garage sale at our house next weekend. Lots of kid clothes, baby gear, winter jackets, etc.

My hammock swing. John cleared a spot at the edge of the field and hung my oh so precious hammock swing that has been sitting the closet for the past 4 years. I love him. So now I have a little quiet spot that is only mine to flee to when I need some peace and quiet...even if only for 15 minutes. Nothing like listening to the wind, swinging leisurely, as I look out into a field. Yup. Life is good.

Romance

2011-08-12T16:59:00.001-05:00

My husband isn’t a traditionally romantic man. What I mean is, instead of real flowers for no reason he might grab a bunch of fake flowers at Walmart as he’s walking through to the electronic section. Hey! At least I know he's thinking about me even when he's out running an errand. Or I’ll get the occasional super comfy jammies that he picks out when he knows I’m just a bit stressed (and by comfy I mean soft and fluffy pj pants and a tank…not some silky number). And when he’s being super creative, he’ll spend some extra time at the hardware store trying to pick out the next random yet awesome kitchen appliance that I might like (e.g. old fashioned ice cream maker, popcorn popper, a Forman, etc). Our date nights usually consist of putting kids to bed and throwing in a movie or going outside to finish up a project together without the kids or of course there’s that never ending wood pile that always needs trimming. I must say, I DO like to watch him chop wood…..that man can swing an axe like a gosh darned lumberjack. *sigh*
And instead of love notes and sweet nothings whispered in my ear, he simply glances at me and holds my attention by some magical smoldering eye thing he does. It gets me every single time. Makes me weak just thinking about it. But what I might love the most about my oh so romantic husband is the fact that he gives me a whole weekend alone at home every few months. Alone. He takes the kids for a long weekend to his parents’ house and I get to stay home. Alone. You moms out there would appreciate this gift. It truly is a priceless one. Yes, my husband is not a flowers and chocolates, dates and love notes kind of romantic. Though sometimes I wish he was, I always go back to all that he’s done for me and given me and the details of love he shows me day in and day out. He’s quite simply MY KIND of romantic.

And so, this afternoon begins a weekend alone for me.

Thank you sweet husband of mine!

Yvette

2011-07-13T14:14:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to give you all a quick introduction to my daughter Yvette. I found all sorts of fun pics I took over the past couple weeks. I thought you might enjoy them....

She is 3.5 years old. She is loud, girlie, sparkly, she squeals and when she talks it sounds like she whines. She is also one of the smartest little girls I know. Of course I could just be a bit biased. But seriously, this girl has an amazing memory! Amazing. She loves to color and paint and create. She loves flowers, pink, purple, accessories (shoes, gloves, hats, boas, etc). She knows exactly what she likes and wants at any given moment.
She is quite the girl!

Don't you just LOVE her?!

Raspberries, Holes, and Lots of Wood

2011-07-12T13:57:00.000-05:00

Early this past spring we planted 18 raspberry sprigs not thinking they'd do much of anything this year but take root. I caught Hayden picking the tiny red berries that I didn't even notice were there until today. SO.EXCITED. We love raspberries. Love.Love.Love.

I can't wait for next year and the year after when the harvest will be more and more. Did I mention that I love raspberries?
Well....I DO!

Wyatt spent the afternoon yesterday helping his dad dig post holes. Something the kids all love to do. Maybe some of you remember this post from our family blog last year? Well, this year Wyatt got to help and boy did he love it!

John worked so hard this spring to finish up splitting our enormous wood pile that collected last fall. We had a couple weeks of openness and order in front of our wood shed. But then, all in one week, 3 of our neighbors decided they wanted to take down some trees. Knowing we burn wood all winter, they so graciously offered their wood to us before burning it. And John, being the man he is happily accepted and assisted in the hauling of said trees. Now we have this....once again....obstructing the view of the beautiful fields behind our house. Darn generous neighbors (just kidding). ;-) We are very thankful for these offers as this will heat our entire home for at least a full winter season. BUT....it has to be split. Great. Another HUGE project to add to the list.

All I have to say is.....I love my husband. Really. He's pretty darned fantastic because he rarely complains about anything. He is grateful and continues on. *sigh*

Introducing.......
"The Mousers"
Yup. They look pretty vicious don't they? Laying there like they actually did something today....or any day for that matter. But they haven't.

(Tabitha in front, Simon in the back)
They do keep the mudroom free and clear of mice though. And we haven't seen anything in the house since we got them last year. So I suppose they are fulfilling their purpose.

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

Sunday Sunday

2011-07-11T14:35:00.000-05:00

Where the heck did the summer go? I mean really. These past 2 months have flown by and already we are in the thick of July in the heat of summer. Wow.

So yesterday John was working which leaves me with bringing the kids to mass alone. Yes, my oldest brother is living here and he has so graciously escorted us (when John is gone) to mass several weeks already, but I don't always want to assume he's willing to do that EVERY time John is not able to. After all, Sunday mass with 3 kids under 5 can be rather distracting and sometimes frustrating.
Anyway, normally we sit inside the church and force the kids to stay in the pew for the duration of mass unless there is a potty need or a meltdown. They usually do pretty good, except they are super squirmy. Not necessarily loud but squirmy. I decided that this week, since I am doing this on my own, that we'd sit in the back entrance area. It is large, has speakers so we can hear everything, and the the doorway is big enough to see right into the Church and be able to participate in the mass. Great. I thought I was doing everyone IN the church a favor by sitting in the back. You know, so we wouldn't be overly disruptive.

Not so.

The kids did well for over half the mass. Right after consecration, Hayden announces he needs to use the bathroom and ventured out by himself. That was okay. Wyatt and Yvette were chit-chatting in the corner not doing much of anything harmful. I turn to participate in the Our Father when the emergency light starts to blink, the doors close, and an incredibly loud buzzer goes off.

Yup, you got it.....

I turn around to find Wyatt and Yvette racing towards me. Yvette crying. Wyatt has a very sobering look about him. 3 people come racing out of the church with keys and a cell phone.
I was horrified. I was completely embarrassed. They caught it before the fire department came, thank goodness. And they were able to reset it on the spot, thank goodness. PLUS, the lady came over and gave me a hug and told me that it was okay, "it happens", don't worry about it. All I could say was "I'm so sorry. I'm just so sorry about this."

We left as soon as mass ended. I was so embarrassed. *sigh*

Wyatt pulled it. He fessed up in the van on the way home. And when we got home, the story changed...he blamed it on Colin. Seems he's already figured out how to pass the blame.

How can you punish a 2 year old for something like that? He has no idea what he did. Just that it was naughty.
And so OUR punishment is the embarrassment of it all.

I can't believe he pulled it. UGH.

Just when I thought I was doing everyone in the church a favor by sitting the back...

i just can't win.

Hold Me

2011-06-30T09:09:00.000-05:00

Thank you to Bonnie at Learning To Be A Newlywed for posting this yesterday.

Faithfulness

2011-06-30T06:41:00.000-05:00

God's faithfulness astounds me...moves me...humbles me. John got home last night and I got everyone to the table to eat. The kids (and men) had their food and seemed content. I then proceeded to excuse myself for some much needed meltdown time. John simply nodded, trying to understand. I walked outside, grabbed a patio chair, and made my way across the pasture to the edge of the bean field. It was there that I emptied my sorrows to the wind. It was there that I felt surrounded by no one and everything all at the same time. It was a completely consoling moment. "Be still and know that I am God." Was all I heard...."Be still.....and KNOW.....that I am God."

"Be still."

We had a most wonderful tearful exchange, God and I. And after about 45 minutes I collected myself, took in a handful of deep soothing breaths, and headed back to the house.

John, being the great man that he is, had the kids fed, bathed, pj-ed, and sitting watching Wall-E. He kissed my cheek and told me he wasn't sure if there was anything he could do to help me feel better, but whatever I need just tell him. Tears welled up again and he just held me for what seemed like an endless 2 minutes. A perfectly endless 2 minutes.

He helped me clean up the kitchen. And while I was elbow deep in suds at the sink asking God when these sharp edges of grief would soften, I looked up and saw this right in front of me.....

A smile came. And the tears stopped.
*sigh*

Thank You.

Too Much? or Just Enough?

2011-06-29T14:47:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I think my life is just a bit too much. You know? Like constant-super-overwhelming circumstances. Like the kind of too much that repels people instead of attracts them. You know? Those people that just don’t know what to say so they just don’t say anything at all. And over time all those moments of NOT saying anything add up to so much that it is safe to say that probably that person just isn’t a part of your life anymore like they used to be. That kind of too much. Is my life too much? or is it just enough? I can't always figure that one out. Probably a bit of both.
How life changes so quickly. Just when our life was getting back on track we are faced with grief again. Just when I think I have a schedule down for the kids, they go and change. Just when we think we are on top of things, a whole new pile appears that we need to begin tackling. Just when I think I have something planned out and it looks like it’s going to work perfectly, something happens/changes/stops. When does it stop? When is enough, enough? Will life ever just stop for a few seconds so we can catch up?! And in a moment when I think I need a friend, there’s no one. And on the day I need my husband to be home because I feel like I’m on the verge of a meltdown, he’s working. And just when the weather decides to be super nice out, the kids just want to stay inside and play contently with each other - even though I’ve got a million and one things that need to be done outside.
But they are playing so well together. I just don’t want to break that up. Plus the meltdown day?…that’s today. I realize it is the suffocating pressure of grief. It takes my breath away, literally. I’m grateful to be able to recognize it at least. But facing it hurts. Facing it is so damned difficult. Facing it “alone” is even worse. Where is my husband?! Where is my family?! Where are my friends?! Nowhere to be seen. And deep down I know that’s okay. Deep down I know that being “alone” right now is probably what is best for me. I don’t think it’s coincidence that the topics I’ve been meditating on lately have been simplicity of heart, poverty of heart, prayerful heart. That book of meditations on the heart of Christ is really actually heart wrenching and oh-so what I need. God is good like that with me.

Jesus meek and humble of heart….
Jesus pure and simple of heart….
Jesus poor and passionate of heart…
…..make my heart more like yours.

And so we continue with life - mostly joyfully but with some sadness, frustration, anxiety, and all the other human frailties that plague us.

Here’s to not being in control of a life that is so in need - in need of Him.

Jesus, strength and conqueror of all….
….take my heart and give me Yours!

The (mis)Understanding and Grief of Miscarriage

2011-06-21T17:06:00.000-05:00

People look at me like I’m some over-emotional wreck. After all, I only miscarried. It isn’t like it was an actual physical baby for crying out loud. I mean, really, I was only barely 6 weeks pregnant. Most people don’t even realize they are pregnant at that point. I’m grieving like I lost a child I’ve known, raised, and loved for years. What the heck is wrong with me?!

I’ll tell you what is wrong with me. I AM grieving a child I’ve longed for and loved before it was even in existence. I AM grieving a physical child. My baby may have died when she was just the size of an orange seed, but she was MINE. My baby.

People don’t seem to get that. They don’t get it until they actually experience it. I get why women are so damaged after abortions. It is traumatizing when your body does it naturally, I can’t imagine the grief over a decided…willed…planned abortion. And I will forever fight for those little ones. Forever.

My first miscarriage happened at 15 weeks gestation. I went to bed one night with a little tummy ache. No cramps. Just a tummy ache. In the early morning I woke John up and told him I was driving myself to the ER because I had cramps…they weren’t bad at that point, but I knew cramps were not a good sign during pregnancy. I got there. Of course they took their time admitting me. The waiting room was empty and it still took 45 minutes to get me in there. Anyway…
I got gowned up and was waiting for the doctor. At that point the cramps were regular and semi painful. I was worried. The doctor came in and I sat at the edge of the bed as he asked me questions about how I was feeling. Then there was the “popping” sound. You know, the one where your water breaks during labor. I didn’t even need to tell the doctor what I was feeling. He heard it. You know what he told me? “It is happening. Just lay back and relax. It may take a while.” And he walked out of the room.
Now fast forward to last Tuesday afternoon…
Everything was normal. I was feeling great. Going about my normal daily activities of hanging clothes on the line. I felt a little bit of wetness. Didn’t think anything of it. Then there was some more. I finished what I was doing and went into the bathroom. Blood. Lots and lots of blood. I began to sob. I cleaned myself up and went to tell John. More tears. Lots more tears. I went into the clinic where the doctor that I saw told me that it is most likely a miscarriage especially since it is so early and that I should go home and rest. “Just lay down and relax. It may take a few days. So try to rest and let your body work.” Hmmm.
“Just relax”… “Try to rest”… Sure. I’ll try to relax while my body rejects a baby. Sure. I can rest while I think about all the “tissue” coming out of me. My baby. My baby that was but is no longer. The life inside of me dead. How is a mother supposed to relax and rest while her body…her womb – which is supposed to be the safest place for a baby – rejects the life inside. How is an expectant mother supposed to just sit back and “let it happen”. You can’t even imagine how heart wrenching it is to sit there and be completely out of control of the situation and FEEL your child die. If you could imagine that, then maybe you’d understand the grief of a mother over a miscarried baby. I realize there are circumstances that I may never know or are completely out of my control that brought this on. But that doesn’t make it any easier. Someone told me that one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage and most of the time the women don’t even realize they are pregnant. *here would be a great plug for NFP (natural family planning). Because I am almost certain that a large percentage of those cases are of women who are on the pill who miscarry. The pill – which is an abortifacient: it doesn’t prevent pregnancy…what it prevents is the attachment of the fertilized egg to the uterine wall. Thus aborting an already fertilized egg (AKA a baby). But I won’t go into that at the moment.* Though I am sure that this person meant well, it really dug deep. Like I am supposed to find comfort in a fact like that. That’s like telling grieving parents of a son who was killed in a car accident that someone dies in a car accident every 45 seconds. Like because it is apparently so common it shouldn’t be so hard to experience. Not so. It was my baby that died in my womb 4 years ago. It was another one of my babies that died in my womb one week ago. And it was my brother who was killed in a car accident 4 years ago. Though the grief is a little bit different, the loss is the same. The loss of a life. The loss of a LOVED ONE. And though her life was very short, she was very much loved. She was very much wanted. I longed for a baby for more than a year before we even decided it was time to try again. And then it took 4 months before conceiving. She was loved. She was very loved. Our hearts were so ready for her. Our family was so ready to welcome another child. And for whatever reason, she was not meant to be ours for very long. There is some comfort in knowing she will be waiting with her brother and her uncle and grandparents…she is loved where she is just as she is loved where she isn’t.

Lyla Jayne Backowski - June 14, 2011
Rest In Peace Sweet Baby of Mine

Happy Father’s Day Stephen…will you take care of her for me? Love her and snuggle her and keep her smiling until I can hold her myself.

Today I Am Grateful

2011-06-21T06:31:00.000-05:00

I am grateful for another morning. Another early morning long before the sun comes up. John and I shuffle through the kitchen making breakfast and enjoy a hot cup of coffee in the silence and darkness of the morning. I am grateful for another morning.

I am grateful for the rain. I think we needed it. ? It just seems like it has been a while since it rained. And the dark dreary clouds that graced the day yesterday will most likely stay today. Somehow they are motivating to me right now...a glimpse of how I feel inside yet with the hope of still be life giving, nourishing, comforting, calming, peaceful. I am grateful for the rain.

I am grateful for my husband. Almost 7 years have passed since we bound ourselves to each other in marriage. 7 years. It seems like we've been together forever yet things are still so fresh and new....love, passion, fiery glances, stolen kisses. I still stare at him thinking, "he chose ME?!...he's given himself to ME?!" Wow. With all our life together has been through, he still chooses me. And that is something I am grateful for. He is strong and steady and faithful and hardworking and the most loving and compassionate man. I am grateful for my husband.

I am grateful for my babies....all 5 of them. Each one so incredibly unique. Each one holding my heart in their own way. Each one offering a different way to love, a different way to look at life, a different smile, a different view. Each one. Even my angel babies who have taught me to love and let go...to keep an eye on eternity...to trust...to hope. I am grateful for my children.

Today I am grateful for my life. A life that could have gone in so many different directions. A life riddled with mistakes and stupid decisions. But more than that, a life overflowing with amazing people...inspiring people. A life blessed with Love. Service. Compassion. Forgiveness. Generosity. Patience. I am so grateful to know these things, to experience these things.
I am grateful for my life......it is a good life.

Today I am grateful.

The Sweetness of My Reality

2011-05-30T20:26:00.000-05:00

Just an FYI, my life is NOT perfect. Quite honestly it is a mess - both figuratively and literally. Please don't mistake gratitude and positive outlook as boasting. That is absolutely NOT what I am trying to transmit here. Lots of terrible things have happened in my life and my family's life and I've come to realize that wasting time bitching and moaning about little things is useless. It's a waste. And I choose to try to look on the brighter side of things.....express gratitude for seemingly simple things like green grass and black dirt. I've lost a lot - though not as much as some - and I am so filled with gratitude for thing simple things that I do have....that have been given back to me.

I am trying to practice gratitude and sincere appreciation for the everyday.

With that being said......my gratitude today is for my husband. He is the most hard working man I have ever known. And he does it for us. He works a job that he really isn't all that fond of doing, he takes as much overtime as he can get, then he comes home and works outside on a shared passion - our little piece of farmly heaven. He works so hard. And he's never really take vacation "just because". It has always been so we could spend a holiday with family or so he could take a hunting trip or do some work for someone else or post-baby or whatever. But this year he decided it was time. He worked almost the entire month of May and now has almost the entire month of June off. Just Because. Tomorrow is day 1. And already I've seen him smile more, relax more, and talk more. This month is going to be just what our family needs: TIME.

And so I say with sincerity and gratitude.....Today My Reality Is SWEET.

Harboring Hope

2011-05-29T15:03:00.001-05:00

I am proud to be Catholic. I love my faith. I do. Though there was a time when I was sincerely searching for the truth (in other religions), I ultimately found my way back to the Catholic Church. My experience of God proved so much deeper and intense within my Catholic faith than anywhere else. And ultimately there was a point of realization that a "fullness" of truth was to be found there along with great peace and happiness. And so it is there that I stay. However, one .... embarrassment? of mine is a lack of knowledge of scripture. I applaud and greatly appreciate fellow non-Catholic christians who study scripture. I was never taught to study scripture. Sure I know what the Church teaches and I know it is founded in scripture, but I was not necessarily encouraged to or taught to look it up in scripture or know the foundational verses. Believe me, that comes in handy when having a religious discussion. Non-Catholic christians aren't too interested in what the Catechism of the Catholic Church says. They are all about scripture. Which prompted me to dive into the big book. I generally don't have a particular style/pattern of study. During Lent I read a lot of the Psalms. Proverbs is amazing. The Pentateuch is so foundational and entertaining for me I could read it over and over again. Lately, I've been reading Paul's letters (since it's Easter season and all). A particular verse has brought me such peace these past days (which have been very trying):

"...we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." (Rom 5:3-5)

WOW Wow.

"'Be still and know that I am God. I am exalted among the nations. I am exalted in teh earth!' The Lord of hosts is with us, the God of Jacob is our refuge."
(Ps 46:10,11)

I am falling in love all over again. Though I am far from any point of memorization or spouting of verses, the thirst/desire to read and absorb is almost insatiable. God is good. He is so good to me. And I am grateful to find solace in His Word.

Update

2011-05-28T13:59:00.000-05:00

We've been so busy! Spring on a developing farm can get kinda crazy especially when the #1 farmer decides to take insane amounts of overtime at his day job. It's okay. We discussed it months ago and agreed that if he was up for it, in the end the check would be nice. But no more overtime for a while. John worked at least 1 sometimes 2 extra days a week for the entire month of May and on Monday he starts almost an entire month of vacation (with a few days of work here and there). Needless to say, I.CAN"T.WAIT.

But during these past couple weeks we've adapted to Fiona, prepared and planted most of the garden (except the tomatoes), prepared and plant a little wildflower garden for Yvette, cleaned up the yard...once (though it looks like it could use it again), tried to soak up some quality time with Daddy, hosted several weekends full of guests, finished up the school year, and I am working on a rather large project that seems to be making steady strides forward. It has been a full month....a good month.

Next month starts out with 9 days of vacation for John. 9 days of projects, family time, chicken coop building, late night movies and bonfires. Then the weekend he works is the weekend my oldest brother is moving in with us. Then 8 more days of vacation after that which includes 5 days of insanity and fun with my two nieces. Last year we took Isabell and Abby for 5 days just for fun. It worked out so well that we are hoping to make it an annual thing right around Father's Day so we can do something in honor of Stephen. Last year they planted an apple tree for their dad. Isabell said she even remembers him loving applesauce so much he put it on his ice cream once. We thought an apple tree would be appropriate. This year John wants to make bird houses with them and then let them paint them any color(s) they want. I really like that idea. And then it's something they can take home with them.
After Isabell and Abby's stay, John heads back to work to finish off the month. Then July hits with several family birthday's every week....wedding anniversaries....death anniversaries....and at the end of the month we head out to Montana to pick up a couple more alpaca.....PREGO females! :-) We are so excited! August winds down the summer and we hope to welcome a few goats during that month. School starts in September. And things DON"T slow down until the snow comes again. EEK.

We have a busy summer ahead and I'm trying really hard to maintain some order and a schedule. Anybody else have issues with time management? Yeah. I'm not so good at it. I realize it is my biggest obstacle and I know what I have to do to make positive strides in the right direction....but it's SO HARD! Anyway, I am thinking of taking a break from all things internet (except the blog) for the summer to help combat my difficulty. I find myself wasting time just surfing, reading forum posts, messaging friends whom I could just call instead, peeking into people's lives on Facebook, or whatever. It always seems necessary in the moment but then 5-10-25-45 minutes pass when I could have been working on a project or planting the rest of the garden or spending time with my husband and kids. I really don't want to be that person that lives more online than off....whose days or hours revolve around updates or phone notifications of emails or facebook messages. I catch myself sometimes. But John is quick to remind me of what I miss out on.

Guess that was a kinda random thought for this post. Whatever. It was on my mind.

Here's to a busy...happy...and exciting summer ahead.

An Easter To Remember....

2011-05-13T12:38:00.000-05:00

Easter weekend was one I will never forget. A young woman I am privileged to call my little sister was welcomed into the Catholic Church. It was beautiful. It was very inspiring to witness. This young woman, after years of prayer and participation and study, chose this for her life. And what made it one of the most awesome things to witness wasn't so much that she was becoming CATHOLIC, but that she had freely chosen something that brought her great happiness. She chose it on her own....she sought it out, studied, prayed, and took the leap of faith. I am inspired by this young woman.

After the Easter Vigil, many friends and family gathered to celebrate our newest member of the Church. And this is what we did. We sang. We sang. And we sang. For hours a rather large group sang with all their hearts.

I am grateful for such friends. I am grateful for Ellen's leap of faith and her example. I am grateful for opportunities for fellowship. I am grateful for my own faith. And I am grateful for the Church. God is truly good. And this video makes me smile!!

No Secrets

2011-05-11T20:55:00.000-05:00

Whenever I head back to my parents' house for a visit I ask if I can bring anything.
"Cookies." My parents never share the cookies I bring them. At Easter time I asked my mother how many batches of cookies I should make (there was a party we were going to). She told me "One. We're not sharing. I'll make something simple to bring."
Okay.
Whenever someone does something kind for us John's first thought is, "Theresa, make him/her a batch of cookies please." Or if there is a potluck I am always asked to bring my cookies. One of my brothers gets sick if he eats chocolate (sad, I know) but he will risk the sickness for my cookies.
"What could possibly be so special about her cookies?" You ask.
And the answer is, "I have no idea."
I've thought about not sharing the recipe. But then that would imply that it was something secret or exclusive when it isn't. I got the recipe from a Betty Crocker Cookbook (Bridal Edition). I tweaked it a little. There are 2 little tiny "secrets" that I do for the recipe. I've decided to share them. After all, shouldn't everyone have access and know how of such yumminess? Really, I love that everyone seems to drool over these cookies. I love that something as simple as chocolate chip cookies can bring such momentary happiness.

1c. butter
3/4c brown sugar
3/4c white sugar
1 egg
1tsp baking soda
1/2tsp salt
1tsp vanilla
2 1/4c flour
1 bag chocolate chips

cook at 375 degrees for 12-14 minutes

That's it. Nothing special. Now, the two things I do to this recipe are:

1. use BUTTER. Use salted sweetcream butter. I like Crystal Farms.
2. add 1/2 tsp of almond extract. It brings out a richness in the cookies.

The dough might look clumpy or you might think it needs water or something. Don't Do It. It will ruin the cookies. These cookies are rich and thick and oh so yummy. I've made them a million bazillion times and haven't changed a thing. This recipe is tried and true.

OH....don't forget the LOVE. Love makes every single thing so much better.

In Love With The Land

2011-05-10T14:52:00.001-05:00

What I love the most about this time of year in this area of the country is this.....

(I promise that these photos have not been edited. The colors are true)

Have you seen anything more wonderful than BLACK dirt and GREEN grass so green it almost glows? There is a comfort in this. Though our winters are harsh and the transition into spring brings a flood that can destroy everything, when the snow and the water leave we see the fertile jet black earth and grass so thick and lush it takes a couple runs of the mower to get it all. I know that this land will feed my family. Anything I put in the ground will grow and produce something. The economy can crash all it wants and I know that we will survive....we will eat and not only will that food be homegrown, but it will be large and nutritious and some of the best food the land can give. Not to mention our animals feast every single day on GRASS not hay or grain or supplements. Living in this "fertile crescent" of the mid-west is such a blessing!

What are your springtime favorites?

The Hacking

2011-05-09T00:32:00.000-05:00

Wyatt before......

(yes ladies, Colin's hair is naturally curly. Sickening I know. They are perfect and thick and.......okay......I'm done envying my brothers curls)

Wyatt after....

he might need therapy after that.

*update: he loves his haircut! He talks about how "Daddy cut it. Daddy cut my hair all gone." "Wyatt, do you like it?"
"YEAH!!!!!!!!!!"

In Full Swing...

2011-05-07T23:40:00.000-05:00

I am still here. And over the next couple days I will update on all the changes and goings on that have occurred over the past couple weeks since my last post. Things like:

*Easter and the kids' hunt
*the garden
*our shearing day
*Fiona's arrival
*a couple fantastic books I've managed to get through that I HAVE to share with you

And in between there there were so many wonderful life moments! Spring is here and it seems as though life is beginning again. I love this time of year. I think I love every new season as it comes into full swing.

Stay tuned.........

Trouble

2011-04-19T13:25:00.000-05:00

John is gone until Wednesday. He left early Monday morning. And wouldn't you know it, all hell breaks loose. Okay so maybe it isn't that bad. I know now that I have to almost expect mayhem when I am left alone. It happened a couple weekends ago. And this time it began just hours after he left yesterday.

The sump pump quit working. It is kinda quirky and sometimes just needs a nudge. Monday morning I was walking out to the mudroom to dig out some meat from the freezer when I realized that I hadn't heard the pump go off lately. (usually during this time of year it is every 5-10 minutes). So I decided to check and make sure everything was dry in the basement. I opened the basement door to find a good 12 inches of water....EVERYWHERE. Great. Of course. So I walked up the steps, slipped off my nice warm slippers, plunged my feet into my knee high rubber boots, grabbed a flashlight (cuz knowing my luck there wouldn't be any light down there either), and ventured into the wadding pool that is my basement. Jars floating around, a couple of empty buckets bobbing on the surface. It was quite the sight. I sloshed over to the sump pump, gave it a good nudge, and sure enough it kicked on and began draining the basement. 30 minutes later it finally shuts off.

Not the first time this has happened.

A couple hours later I go to rinse off some dishes before putting them in the dishwasher and there wasn't any hot water. *grrr* I should have known to check the pilot light on the hot water heater.

I am not very experienced in lighting pilot lights and didn't really want to try without some help. So I made a few calls. None of the surrounding farmers had any experience in that either. And none of them wanted to try for fear of blowing something up. Great. What now? Calling a plumbing/heating guy would cost $125 for an 8 minute job. Nope....didn't have $125 laying around to just give away. So I called Kurt. Kurt is my college roommate's husband and John's friend/coworker. (okay, so he's my friend too). Kurt would know what to do. He's pretty handy. And sure enough, he saved the day. He stopped by the hardware store on his way out and picked up a little sump pump alarm (which has gone off twice now but without it I'm sure the basement would have been full).

The pilot light is on. The sump pump is working. And I have hot water again. What more could I ask for?

How about a couple sick kids? Yup. You got it. Yvette has a croupy cough that makes her feel like crap and she looks even worse. Poor kid. And now Wyatt is sounding the same way. Two kids on cough medicine and tylenol. And Hayden....the poor guy just wants to go outside. But the weather has been less than ideal with misty rain, a few flurries, and grey skies. I don't want to take them out in that especially when they are coughing. So we've been watching a lot of movies and reading lots of books. And playing this........

Anybody else remember this game?

Preparing Our Hearts

2011-04-18T07:24:00.001-05:00

As Holy Week begins, I find myself longing to offer some final painful sacrifice in an effort to unite myself to my Lord's ultimate sacrifice. I kind of chuckle at how minuscule and seemingly ineffective every single one of my offerings are. And yet, they are all that I have to offer. The little pains of my day. The luxuries that I've come to rely on and desire. My heart aches to know His pain and at the same time I cringe knowing that He'll accept and I will suffer.

....because He loves me with all His being.......

and I love Him with all my heart.....

Broken Hearted

2011-04-16T05:55:00.001-05:00

Last night I was giving Yvette and Wyatt a tub when I heard Hayden in the living room burst into tears. As most moms, I can identify the different types of crying and what it usually means. These tears I heard were definitely tears of sadness NOT pain.

I called into the living room, "Hayden, sweetheart, what is the matter?"

Hayden came walking into the bathroom with his head down and the biggest tears streaming down his face. "Mo-om." - more tears. He just hugged me.

"Hayden, tell me why you are so sad," I said as he buried his tears and boogars into my shoulder.

"Look Mom. Just look." He brought me to the window and said, "Snow." And continued to cry for about 5 more minutes.

My heart sank too. Though some of you might laugh at this, this particular moment was truly a sad one. For whatever reason this winter has seemed exceedingly long. I mean LLLLOOOOONNNNNGGGGG. And the past couple weeks we've enjoyed the warmer spring-like weather. The last of the snow piles just melted a few days ago and the puddles were starting to dry up enough for the kids to play in the sandbox and on the swing set and ride their bikes. But more snow means more days to dry up. YUCK.

As I sit here so early in the morning, I am trying to figure out some grand activity to do with the kids that wouldn't require a trip outside.....something they'd get excited about.....something to pull their attention from the thin yet heavy layer of snow that blankets everything outside. The weather will likely be warm enough today to melt it all by early afternoon. But still......the truth is that it is there. And there isn't anybody in this region that finds a snow fall at the end of April funny OR enjoyable.

Lord?....are you listening?...........this isn't funny.......

Fiona

2011-04-15T15:25:00.000-05:00

Oh we have been busy. Even though it is rather chilly today and we had freezing rain for a little while this morning, I think it is safe to say that it is spring in Minnesota. Although it is not uncommon for us to get a random snow storm the beginning of May. Hopefully not this year.

We've cleared out the garden. We (my husband) have shoveled the many (previously frozen) piles of alpaca poo and moved them to compost pile. The wood pile that was covered with foot upon foot of snow is now exposed in all it's dirty, messy, and unsightly glory. We worked on splitting the last of it yesterday. There is still a bit more to go but a few more hours of concentrated work and it should be done. The sandbox and swing set are cleared of water and snow and winter debris, so the kids are happy. But there are still SO MANY projects that need to be tended to before the end of the month. *more about that later*

To add to the craziness here, we've decided to welcome a dog to our farm. She is a turkish anatolian guard/shepard dog. Later on in the summer time we will be adding chickens, goats, and a prego alpaca to the farm and we knew we needed to look into a guardian dog to ease our minds and put the animals at ease as well. We knew that we wanted an anatolian. Last year we met the most fantastic guard dog - Grizz. He was strong, friendly yet cautious, playful, kind to his herd, and HUGE. We instantly fell in love. BUT, these types of dogs don't come cheap and we knew if an anatolian was what we wanted then it might be a few years before we'd get one. Well....circumstances shifted and we were put in contact with a breeder who had kept her pick of her last litter, trained her, and was planning on keeping her for breeding but then decided that perhaps this one needed a home. Prices dropped and we decided to jump. SO....the week after Easter we are welcoming FIONA to the farm:

She is currently 10 mos old and about 100lbs. We should expect her to grow to about 120-130lbs. She's a big girl, though not as big as the males. She grew up on a farm guarding dwarf goats, sheep, and chickens. The breeder also has small grandchildren who are around on a regular basis so she is well acquainted with little people. Which was a big big big concern for us. Needless to say we are getting a fantastic deal on an already trained and well socialized dog. YAY!!!!

We are so excited!

Here Kitty Kitty

2011-04-06T06:43:00.000-05:00

I was never a lover of animals. Sure the baby ones were cute. Who doesn't like little puppies or a box full of little kittens. Or what about, the new chicks under the warming lights. Yup, my heart would melt and I'd cup them into my hands and nuzzle and play and soak up their adorable-ness. But as soon as they grew and started smelling and shedding and requiring more attention, I'd lost interest. Good thing - not viewing chickens as pets - because those adorable new chicks under the warming lights inevitably make it to my freezer and then onto my dinner table.

And pets in the house? BLEH. Cats shed and rip apart furniture and curtains. Dogs just smell and rub their stink all over everything. I NEVER thought I'd have anything more than an outside dog.

But here I am, with alpacas in the barn, roosting boxes being made for chickens this spring, plans for arrival of a few goats, a very large dog will be added to our farm before the summer, and in June we are picking up a prego alpaca with a baby due next spring. This "farm" will be in full spring before too long. It is exciting.

And, we have cats. Two of them. In the house. And I love them. EEKK!!!! What has happened to me?!!!!
The cat venture took place last fall. Hayden got up in the middle of the night to go potty and I was in the kitchen getting a drink when I heard him say, "Mom....I see a rat." WHAT?! NO. Not a rat in the house! I freaked. He pointed to the corner where the garbage can was and sure enough there was a tiny little mouse peeking around the back of it. Phew. No rat - thank goodness! But a mouse. Yuck. We'd heard them in the ceiling and trapped quite a few in the mudroom and basement. But we never really saw any sign of them in the house. John knew they were there but they never set off any traps and we never saw them. I was okay with our peaceful coexistence under this roof so long as I didn't see them, they didn't eat our laundry/clothes, they didn't ransack the pantry, and they didn't leave little trails of pellets all over. I was okay with all that.....for the first 2 years we were here. But then one of them decided to show it's face. And I freaked. The next day we had 2 band new kittens here.
The kids were thrilled. John was slightly annoyed that I had gotten 2 instead of just 1. But they were cute and I just couldn't get one for Yvette and not let Hayden have his own. So, Simon and Tabitha live happily in the house. They never go outside. They've cost us an arm and a leg to get fixed. And we wavered on whether or not to keep them. Neither of them had caught anything, they tore up my curtains, and they wreaked havoc during the night (when they were first here...now they are fine). Then the spring started coming. The fields filled with water. The mice come in from the fields in packs. It's really gross actually. So what did we do? (sneaky smile) We moved the cats to the mudroom and left the basement door open. Last week I went to let the cats in the house and both of them pranced in like they were royalty. I looked at them thinking, "you little snots." One glance back to the porch - two little balled up, still wet, and slightly mauled mice corpses were sitting right in the middle of the steps in the mudroom. Oh.I.Was.Excited. I closed the door because I wasn't about to pick those nasty little blobs up....I left them for John. ;-) I was so happy! My cats had finally begun to fulfill their destiny. The next day I found another mouse. And yesterday there were two more. Funny thing is, the cats leave them right out in the open. Like trophies. One of the mice was laying on a hat that was on the floor. EEWWW. Said hat has been washed a couple times since.

The animal loving thing is a big step for me. I think perhaps its because I see their value whether it be as pets/companions, protectors, food, or simply grass eaters (so we don't have mow all 9 acres). It's a chain....a circle of life so to speak. And it's a beautiful thing.

Isn't funny how we change? Life changes and we adapt.

Hmmmmm......

2011-04-04T00:09:00.001-05:00

"...a fetus isn't a baby unless it is born..." - I think we already medically established that it IS a baby. Let's not forget that when it is convenient to prove how disgusting and horrific murder can be the legal system can charge a murderer with double homicide if that person killed a pregnant woman. Interesting....

"...abortion clinics should be like Starbucks - on every corner".....cuz killing babies in the name of freedom and sex and debt relief and choice is JUST THAT EASY and as yummy and utterly satisfying as a quick trip into Starbucks can be.

Is this not disgusting?

Reliving The Past

2011-03-31T21:18:00.000-05:00

My youngest brother was killed in a car accident on July 31, 2007. The loss was and still is excruciatingly painful.

I was browsing through my facebook notes looking for a little survey I had done a couple years ago and instead I found myself absorbed in this:

written August 11, 2007
"These past days have been an absolute whirlwind. Floods of emotion and confusion come and go so quickly. It's strange. As if the week before we were all on autopilot and going through the motions not really realizing how REAL our situation is. Steve is dead. He's gone. We aren't ever going to see him again (here). And the reality of it sunk in on Thursday. John returned to work on Thursday. And it was a day alone with Hayden on Thursday. Like I said, emotions flying everywhere, questions lingering, and sadness had begun to really run deep. And Thursday my son decides to push every button left. He broke a headset for the PS2, and later that day broke the controller for it. Spendy fix. He proceeded to refuse napping by screaming all afternoon. He wouldn't eat anything normal. He pulled books off the shelf and ruined some. DVDs were thrown all over the place. And the computer went bad because he kept pushing random buttons and confusing the hell out of it. By 2:30pm I had had enough!!! And my only outlet that I had in the past was Steve. I'd call him up and we'd pack the kids up and head to the beach or the park or just hang out at his place so the kids could play together. Thursday was when it really hit me. I miss him. I miss our outings. I miss our conversations. I miss having him to rely on. I miss him. And I'm going to miss him for a very long long time.

We were sitting on the couch last night after Hayden was in bed. Just sitting there in silence. He asked me how I was doing. I told him I was sad. Just sad. And we both began to cry. I asked John what is it that we are supposed to learn or take away from all this? This sorrow and suffering. The grief and loss. What can we consciously do to be better people. ?? He said, "Theresa...just keep loving." He said that he didn't think he could love me more, but through all of this his love for me has deepened and gotten more intense. He said that going through all of this with me and my family has helped him to get to know all of us so much more. And that he realizes how deeply we all care for and love each other.....how short life can be and how precious our time is together. And how much he wants to continue burrowing into our family and getting to each member more. I knew he loved me. I never doubted that. But I wasn't always sure what he thought of my family. I know now.
I went to bed with so many thoughts...
How amazing are my parents? How strong they are!!!! And my brothers......each one great in his own way. And Steve......what would he have to say about all this? What sort of men has God surrounded me with? What sort of man have I married?

What am I to do with all of this?
Time will tell......"

I remember this day. I remember this day because it was the beginning of my real grief. Steve was dead. We buried him 5 days prior. Everyone had gone home and continued on with their lives. But we were left with this void. We were faced with our life without him. And that was hard. That was so hard. By the grace of God - and only His grace - are we able to continue on and find happiness despite the sorrow.

taken on our wedding day

my favorite pic

Our Tax Dollars Hard At Work

2011-03-29T10:29:00.000-05:00

So there is a popular survey going around Facebook right now about "defunding" Planned Parenthood. Not surprisingly, a lot of people say NO. And a good number of my friends on Facebook say NO. I'm sometimes surprised by who these people are but then I consider the fact that all of them (so far) are without children....NOT parents yet. Interesting isn't it? Consider those who are not parents yet.....

*They haven't felt growing life inside their body or witnessed it in the person they hold dearest to their hearts.
*They haven't heard the sound of a tiny heartbeat coming from a growing tummy.
*They haven't seen the obvious proof of life that an ultrasound gives.
*They haven't felt the rolling, fluttering, and sometimes painful kicks of a baby shifting to find more room in the womb.

*They haven't felt or experienced the bittersweetness of labor.
*They haven't witnessed the miracle of childbirth......of THEIR OWN child coming into the world.
*They haven't fallen so much in love with a tiny human being that they'd risk everything for him/her.
*They haven't opened themselves to the joys and sacrifices of parenthood.

And I almost feel sorry for people like that. Because not only have they NOT experienced all those things, they THINK that it's okay to snuff it out. They think that it's okay for women to CHOOSE to not be pregnant even though they already are. They think it's okay to KILL this life inside of them.

I challenge those people to sit through this video. I challenge those people who are prolife to sit through this video. I will warn you that it is quite honestly the most horrific clip I have ever seen. However, it has confirmed what I have been fighting for since before I could vote. LIFE.

Kirill's Story

2011-03-28T09:08:00.000-05:00

I came upon this post through another blog that I follow regularly. This story is incredibly moving.
I was just having a conversation with someone the other day about how when good things are set in motion with pure intent and immense love one can almost guarantee there be some obstacle. Isn't that how evil works? In both ordinary and extraordinary circumstances?
Anyway, please pray for this family and the many other families in this situation. AND for the children waiting to be loved, adopted, and treated as human beings despite their imperfections.

Comic Relief

2011-03-24T23:31:00.000-05:00

"Treasure, Mom....TREASURE."

Don't have much to say on this one.....

Frustrated....

2011-03-23T13:48:00.001-05:00

Ever been so beyond frustrated that it seems there is no way back? That's me. Right this second. It is silly really and pretty small to be frustrated over and I'm sure it will pass once I get over my pity party tantrum. But right now I'm wallowing. It is the middle of the afternoon on a snow day. A day when the birds should be chirping and the sun should be out and the snow should be continuing to melt. That's how the weather has been. But today...yesterday actually, the Good Lord decided He needed a laugh and plagued the midwest with a blizzard! Inches of fresh HEAVY snow are now covering the blades of grass that were trying to grace us with their presence. Not funny from down here!

Because of the weather school was canceled and my 5 year old son doesn't know what to do. He LOVES school and looks forward to it every other day. And this morning when he woke up from his late morning slumber he asks, "Mom?...what about school?" The poor kids was heartbroken and completely displaced when I told him there was no school today because of the snow. "Stinking snow!" he says. My thoughts exactly.

And right this second there is a 3 yr old girl whining in her bed that she isn't tired and doesn't need a nap. She does. Believe me. She NEEDS her naps otherwise come 5:00 she is so crabby and tired no one wants to be around her. Her current whining is about to wake up an overtired 2 yr old who REALLY needs his naps or he will make EVERYONE miserable with his crying.

Said displaced 5 yr old seems to think that mom needs to be at his beckon call all day. "Mom, I'm hungry." "Mom, can we play my games?" "Mom, the kitty fishing pole is very stuck." "Mom, I'm hungry." "Mom, I'm thirsty." "Mom, can you sit with me?" "Mom...Mom....Mom....MOM MOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOMOM."
Well, you get the idea.

All I want is 20 minutes of uninterrupted time to breathe and collect my thoughts. Apparently today that is too much to ask for. And so I will go tend to my littles and dream about bedtime tonight. Yes, once the kids are in bed I will have my silence. Once the kids are in bed......

6 hours and counting......

From The Mouths Of Babes...

2011-03-22T15:44:00.000-05:00

Hayden: "Mom, how old are you?"

John: (with a smirky smile) "She's ooold."

Hayden: "But Mom, HOW old?"

Knowing that Hayden can't count higher than 21 or 23 I respond confidently, "Hayden, think of the highest number you can count to and that's how old I am."

Hayden's eyes got big and he dropped the art project he was working on, "WOW Mom! You mean you are 3000?!"

I'm pulling him from the private pre-school he is currently enrolled in. I mean, COME ON!....what pre-schooler can count to 3000?! ;-)

John still laughs about this.

I'm crushed.

30

2011-03-21T18:57:00.000-05:00

Saturday was my 30th birthday. No, I am not ashamed to say I am 30. I have never been one to come completely undone by my progressing age. It is inevitable people....we are getting older and we will die (someday). It happens to everyone. Even people like Joan Rivers (eww) who thinks she can defy age/time, but it only makes it worse. Denial is never a good thing. Not in my experience anyway.

So, does anyone want to hear what was gifted to me on my oh so monumental birthday? Let me tell you.....
* my parents gave me a beautiful necklace, a bag of columbian dark roast coffee (because age requires more of this), and a large roaster (for canning)
* my nieces gave me a very pretty necklace and earring set along with another pair of earrings picked out by Bell (such a sweetheart!)
* some friends gave me a case of Nordeast beer. Never had this particular kind before and how dare they expose my pallet to such wonder! Wow. I think I am a convert. No more cheap beer, honey......I want to good stuff. !!!!
* my husband.....my husband really really pulled through this year (as he does most years).....

Since February I had been asking for hints as to what he was planning on giving me. At first it was obvious that he really had no idea what he was going to do. But I think he figured it ought to be a good one since it IS a milestone birthday. Then he started dropping hints:
Me: "Is it big?"
John: "I think so. I guess it depends on how you look at it."
Me: "Is it expensive? I mean...how much are you pulling from savings?" (I know, completely non discreet)
John: "I guess I could be. It depends on how much you like it."
????!!!!!!
Me: "What is that supposed to mean?"
John: "Lets just say the most it is costing me is my dignity."

Great. By that point I was completely lost. What the heck could he be planning? He wasn't sharing this idea with anyone else. Believe me, I checked all my sources. Nobody had a clue. Then came more hints from him that made me squirm with curiosity and then with frustration and disgust.

John: "You might want to hit the gym an extra day a week."
Me: "I suppose I could do that if our schedule allows it. Why?"
John: "The more in shape you are the more you'll get out of your birthday present."

OKAY....hold up. He has suggested this several times over the course of a month. It pissed me off. What in the world was he giving me?....sessions with a trainer? a piece of clothing a few sizes too small? new running shoes (I had been asking for these)? a beach vacation (that would be nice)? None of these seemed like appropriate 30th birthday gifts. Not really. And he shot every one of them down. What could he be planning? The longer this went on, the more frustrated and mad I got. I couldn't figure it out. And he insisted that working out was a good hint. Which made me even more mad. So....my husband was telling me that for my already difficult to swallow birthday, I need to be in optimal shape? Hmmm.....
I'm pretty sure I'm not the only woman who would be utterly ticked off by this. He took the cold shoulder and silent treatment. He even took a few snide comments and a declaration of disgust from yours truly. But ultimately he stood his ground and didn't snap.
Then on the eve of my 30th birthday he comes to me with a card, a balloon, and a sweet dimpled smile. "Happy 30th Birthday, Theresa." I read the super sweet and sappy card and there was a small notecard inside that read:

"For your birthday this year I want to take dancing lessons with you long enough for us to either get good at it or decide we don't like it. I love you. Happy 30th Birthday."

I melted. I threw my arms around him and slobbered him with grateful kisses.

Early in our marriage (before the kids) I wanted to take dancing lessons with him so badly. And he wouldn't even think about it!...."NO." End of discussion. Then the kids came and I stopped asking. I never thought he'd remember let alone act on it! Which makes me wonder if he hears all the other things that I hint about or ask for. Hmmm......

My husband is the sweetest most thoughtful and ~~secretly~~ momentarily romantic man. Really?.....I've been bragging about him all weekend. I am so proud and SO EXCITED! He has most of the month of June off so we decided that a 4 week session would be scheduled for June. YAY!!!!!

Adele - Rolling In The Deep

2011-03-05T23:14:00.000-06:00

WOW. All I can say is....WOW!

Full Tummies and Happy Hearts

2011-03-03T19:44:00.001-06:00

John has been off these past couple days. Oh how wonderful they have been! Sometimes I feel like we are just passing by each other with a wave and a peck on the cheek (if there's time). We both get so busy with kids, work, projects, staying in shape, and just...life. And with John's crazy swing shift work plus all the overtime he's been putting in, well, let's just say we feel the need to get to know eachother all over again. And by get to know eachother I don't mean what you think I mean....geesh...get your heads out of the clouds people! ;-) I mean, he looked at me the other day, sighed and said, "What are your goals right now? Has your favorite color changed? What's been on your mind lately?..." Stuff like that. I was so pleasantly surprised by this. I realized that those types of questions were legitimate as we haven't had much time to sit and just be together, catch up on our day to day goings on, or touch base with much more than emergency/immediate needs. Life happens and it certainly gets crazy. Needless to say, yesterday and today have been wonderful with no plans, no guests, no pressing needs/projects to get done. Just time at home....together....with all the kids. It has been sweet heaven.
Enough about that. I wasn't actually planning on rambling about that. Sorry. What I wanted to ~~brag about~~ share with you was an absolutely satisfying and scrumptious meal I made this evening. I've blogged about Ree Drummond (a.k.a. The Pioneer Woman) before. I think. I know I must have mentioned a couple of her recipes. Anyway, I'm a big fan. Huge actually. I found her blog years ago when Hayden was a baby and fell in love with her blunt comedic approach to daily ranch life and of course, her recipes. She eventually got famous because of her blog. I'd like to say I knew her before she was famous. ;-) Like when she only got less than 1000 comments on her daily posts. Yeah. Her and I go way back. ;-) Anyway, she got famous and wrote a cookbook. And, of course, I bought it. In it are some awesome recipes, one of which my husband sings her praises. The Man Sandwich. And it is exactly that. A MEAT sandwich fried in butter and onions and topped with spice and grilled buns. MMMMMMM. Well tonight I added portabello mushrooms sauteed in butter and worschteshire sauce. Oh.My.Goodness. HEAVEN drenched in butter and sitting on our plates. Wow. Tonight was my first with portabello mushrooms. And let me just say how happy I am that I waited. It was so worth it! Sauteing them just right, sprinkled with worsch and slapped on a grilled bun and topped with steak and onions. Utter Satisfaction. And might I add that my husband is currently snoring on the couch. Yup. You got it. He's spent. Really people, this cookbook is awesome and this recipe is a must if your man loves meat. BUY IT!

I'd include a picture of our oh so yummy meal except.......it's gone. The whole thing is gone. Nothing left. So you'll just have to take my word for it.
;-)

Storytime

2011-03-01T10:12:00.000-06:00

There is just something about children's books that is refreshing, goofy, and invites the reader to retreat from reality if only for a short time. I've always loved children's books. It is usually the first section I head towards when entering Barnes and Noble or the local library. Story books are actually the very first thing I purchased when I found out I was pregnant with Hayden. Books are one of the first gifts we give to new members of the family. I value them and I pray that this is transmitted to my children.
There are a handful of stories I loved when I was a child. In fact, I can still hear them being read to our class during library time. I had the most wonderful librarian as a child, Ms. Weide. I think this love of books came from her. Oh how she could read a story and make it come alive!
I don't have much more to say one the subject. I suppose it is a blog topic because my daughter has the same stack of books by the chair for the past 2 weeks and asks me multiple times a day to read them to her.
Just a very few of my favorites....

Give a Mouse A Cookie
I'll Love You Forever
Polar Express
The Napping House
King Bidgoods In The Bathtub
Heckedy Peg
The Relatives Came
The Little Mouse, The Red Ripe Strawberry, And The Big Hungry Bear
The Real Story of the Three Little Pigs
Curious George books
Bernstein Bears books
Amelia Bedlia books
Llama Llama books
Olivia The Pig
Silly Sally
.....and so many many more

What are some of your favorite stories from your childhood? and/or what are some of your children's favorites now?

The Gift Of Time

2011-02-25T15:23:00.000-06:00

These past couple days have been amazingly wonderful for me....US. I suppose a near death experience will do that to a person. And during these precious days, I've reflected very deeply on TIME and the gift that it is. I'm not going to sit here and write about time and it's relation to eternity or anything like that. What I've realized though (for me in particular) is how much I...WE as people in general, take time for granted. We waste it. We piddle it away on stupid things. Gone are the hours used for gaming instead of playing outside and enjoying LIFE. Gone are the hours spent lounging on the couch for hours on end because "I've worked my ass off and deserve to relax." Gone are those precious hours that could have been spent getting to know your family better, or basking in the beauty of nature, or some other worth while activity that encourages growth, newness, or brain activity. Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge advocate of romantic comedies or Spiderman movies or war documentaries (my husbands choice) or whatever. I LOVE movies. But as much as I love movies and the occasional video game, I do realize how easy it is to grow roots and watch one right after the other right after the other. And soon enough, the day is gone or my regular nights sleep has gone from 7 hours to 4 or 5 because I just HAD to watch another show. I get that. Or maybe it's hours on the phone when I could have spent the time in conversation with my husband or my neighbor down the street. Or maybe it's hours on the internet browsing and surfing and messaging "cyber friends" whom I've never met but somehow they've taken the place of the friends who I have a long history and who are right in front of my face. My dad said to me once that what defines a man/person is not his job or what he does as a profession, but rather how he spends his free time. It's something to think about. And as I've been thinking about these things, I also have been reflecting on my dear sweet loved ones who no longer have that time here on earth...time to experience and learn and give to others. But I do! Time is a precious thing. And it will inevitably come to an end for each and every one of us at some point. It could be tomorrow or years from now or maybe even minutes from now. We don't know. What matters is how we spend it. There is something to be said for "living in the moment". I used to think "carpe diem" sounded so careless and selfish. But it isn't. Enjoying this moment right now is what life IS. Loving your family and friends right now is what life is about.

"Enjoy this moment, for this moment is YOUR LIFE" (the heading from a friend's blog)

Priceless

2011-02-24T20:07:00.000-06:00

I just HAD TO POST THIS....

enjoy

Death and All His Faces....

2011-02-23T13:46:00.000-06:00

I should be dead. Hayden and Megan should be dead. And this moment as I sit in a silent house filled with slumbering loved ones, I reflect on all that has happened this ordinary Wednesday.
Our van is in the shop. It wouldn't start and we had the tow truck haul it to our trusty mechanic. That left John's little truck for our only means of transportation until the van is finished. This morning was a school day. Great. Not only am I without my van, but I have to take 2 kids to school this morning in John's truck. *sigh* It felt like a Monday and I didn't like it....you know the kind of Monday when everything seems just a little bit off and nothing is going quite right?.....the kind of Monday that makes you want to just stay in bed all day and forget about everything that needs to be done this week...this day? Yeah, that's what this morning felt like. Only it wasn't Monday, it was Wednesday.
We slept just a tad bit later than we should have. Hayden didn't want to get out of bed or go to school for that matter. He always wants to go to school. But today he didn't. Megan is a pill in the morning, especially when she is woken up and not left to wake on her own. She's just like her dad in the morning. Grumpy, cries at everything, and just plain wants to be left alone. SO....there I was trying to get Hayden motivated for school and Megan to stop whining long enough to at least get dressed.....and I was wishing right then that the kids road the bus because then all I'd have to do is get them to the end of the driveway and they'd be gone for the morning. Anyway, we managed to get the kids dressed, fed, and ready for school by a decent time. I strapped them securely into the truck and ventured out. It is about 3 miles from the end of our driveway to the stop sign that takes us into town. It really isn't that far. But today, it was too far. The roads were exceptionally icy. Glare ice. And I was only going about 40mph and keeping my distance from the semi ahead of me. The semi was slowing to turn and I began to slow. Just as my foot began to slowly press on the brake, a blast of wind hit the truck and pushed the back end into the other lane. I knew right then that control was almost lost and the only way I was going to stop was if I hit something or went into the ditch. I was still going pretty fast at that point and now I was sliding.....there was a semi in front of me that was stopped and there was a semi (a fuel carrying semi) that was heading in my direction at full speed. When he realize I was not in control of my vehicle he began to slow but there was no way he was going to be able to stop before hitting me. He slowed and veered as far to the side of the road as possible without tipping his truck. At that point we were completely in the oncoming traffic lane and still spinning. This was a "life flashing before my eyes" moment. All I could think about was...."WHY?!!!! Not another thing to happen to my family....to my parents....to my husband. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" And then I realized that there wasn't anything I could do. It was out of my hands...."okay, he's going to hit us. (at highway speed a semi hitting a tiny truck would have been fatal) Please Dear God, if this is going to kill us please make it quick. I couldn't stand the kids suffering." I grabbed Megan's hand and made eye contact with Hayden and waited as I watched the semi get closer and closer. Somehow in a matter of fractions of a second, the truck slid slightly back toward the middle line and the semi zoomed by honking his horn as he passed.
We should have been hit. And we would have died. Which leaves me with this burning cry "WHY?!" Why, once again, are we spared? Twice in the past 3 years I've come fractions of a second from being hit head on by an oncoming vehicle. And last year Hayden was given a death sentence and lived. WHY?! Why are we spared? Why am I spared from a vehicular fatality and my brother isn't?! Why is my son spared from death when the child down the hall at the hospital will die from leukemia? WHY?!
My cries are loud and grateful and humbled and painful. Why.

*hug your loved ones today. We really really really have no idea when it could be our last.*

Pregnant Musings (in all seriousness)

2011-02-11T13:58:00.000-06:00

A friend of mine wrote this post for her blog today. This subject is so dear to my heart that I had to ask her permission to copy/paste her writings because she wrote it so well. So many women, especially new moms pregnant with their first, blindly follow whatever it is that medicine/medical community says. I know highly highly educated women who research every diet under the sun to make sure it does exactly what they want it to do for them. They research vacation places til they know everything there is to do once they get to their destination. They weigh pros and cons for which new flat screen TV to purchase before spending a small fortune on just the right one. But when it comes to researching and doing what is best for their bodies and their babies, they simply talk to the doctor. And whatever THEIR doctor says must be the best and safest route to take. And I am by NO MEANS saying don't follow medical advice. Not at all. Quite the contrary, actually. I am simply agreeing with Mallory (blog author) in saying that it is our obligation as mothers and stewards of our bodies and the bodies of our growing babies to be as informed as possible, look at the big picture, and do everything we possibly can to ensure the wellbeing of our babies (both in-utero and out). I am simply saying that doing the research and doing the work could bring about an outcome far better than just sitting back and waiting and following whatever the medical norm is for the time.

I should probably stop there as I am sure I've aggravated a few of my readers. But this is just something that I am truly passionate about. If it provokes discussion or thought beyond what one would normally engage in, then great!
***************************************************************************
The Midwife Model.
For this pregnancy we've elected to use a midwife. Being in a new location, and not feeling like I needed an Ob/Gyn for my care, both Mark and I agreed that a midwife would be a nice alternative.

The midwife model of care is strikingly different than anything I've ever experienced, and I have to fully admit that I really like it. Mine does just what a doctor would do, i.e. check my weight, BP, urine, measurements, as well as monitor the baby using a Doppler. What's different is that midwives aren't doctors, they don't try to be doctors, and because of that a large amount of responsibility is put on the patient to take care of themselves, because if they don't, then the women will need a doctor.

At my first appointment my midwife, she handed me two large books and multiple handouts--all nutrition related. In them stated how much of certain foods and vitamins I needed, and then why they were important for me, baby, and the success of my labor and delivery. Wow! In addition to nutrition was another handout showing the many different exercises imperative to the growing strain of pregnancy on the body. The exercises are meant to relieve pain and pressure, but also to engage baby's head and strengthen the muscles and tissues pertinent to delivery.

It's all quite simple, really, and perhaps I've read this twice before with the other two pregnancies and brushed it aside, but this time it's required of me, and a large part of the success of a healthy pregnancy relies not on medicine, but on my ability to take care of myself. What a concept!

A few examples of how I'm trying to achieve a healthier pregnancy:

1). Calcium. My midwife wants me to drink a pint of milk everyday. Women, especially in COLD MN, are calcium (vitamin D) deficient. When growing a baby, the body will take calcium from a women's bones to makes the baby's bones. Also, calcium deficiency is a big culprit for those awful pregnancy leg cramps and restless legs.

2.) Iron. With 40% more blood than the non-pregnant state, iron is necessary for pregnancy health. Even more importantly, the stronger the blood, the less likely post partum hemmorage will be. For me, I'll start taking Alfalfa, in pill form, sometime in the next month. It has iron in it, but is known for it's blood-clotting abilities. I've actually done this with my first two after hearing the advice from a trusted family member. After two very clean and healthy deliveries, I'm a believer in the simple supplement.

There are many, many other nutritional needs for pregnant, women, as well as exercises for body and relaxation for labor. There is a lot on my plate to prepare my body for birth! I'm excited though, and glad that I have the opportunity to have someone challenge me to make myself, my baby, and my family healthier.

Back To The Projects

2011-02-10T08:25:00.000-06:00

It has been almost a week since I've picked up my needles. And boy am I crabby. ;-) Just kidding. I do feel a bit withdrawn though. Such are the symptoms of a fiber addict without something to work on. Truth be told, I have several projects on the needles that need to be finished before starting anything new. We've just had some incredibly busy busy busy days this past week.
Anyway, my goal today is to get my housework done:

*dishes...there seems to be an endless pile of cruddy dishes in the sink
*laundry...I've got 3 loads to do
*baking....it is currently -22 degrees here and I have decided to bake bread this morning and cookies this afternoon to help keep the kitchen warmed up
*vacuum (in between dumping out the toys)

IF I can accomplish just half of this today I will be a success! THEN I can sit and knit til my heart's content this evening and finish up my projects so this weekend I can start something new. OH how I have a few projects I'm dreaming of.

I'll keep you posted.

Anyone working on anything during these cold days? baking? sewing? house projects?

Heat Wave

2011-02-05T20:36:00.001-06:00

I'll be the first one to admit I'm a die hard clothesline fanatic. I think I've blogged about it, actually. And yes, I traipsed through 3 feet of untouched snow to do this. My jeans were soaked and my legs were numb. But really?....I DO have reason for this weirdness.....

SEE.....

The red blanket is a giant king sized down comforter that goes on Hayden's bed. Hayden woke up this morning sick. Pukey sick. Thankfully he didn't leave his sickness on the comforter. For preventative maintenance I did strip his bed, wash his sheets, and hung the comforter outside to kill any sicky bugs that may have decided to take up residence on it during the night. (I wasn't about to even try to shove it in my washer and a trip to the laundromat was out of the question).

Hayden was sick. Wyatt spent most of the day cuddled on the couch with his "Blank" (blankie) and a juice cup and sporting a nasty fever. Yvette managed to dodge this quick bug completely (today anyway).

Everyone is in bed, hydrated, drugged, and sleeping. Thank goodness it seemed to be a quick 12 hour bug with a little bit of a lasting fever. I guess the next few days will tell the truth though.

Hope everyone is staying healthy through the 2011 midwest blizzard.

Turkey Burgers and Beans

2011-02-04T14:50:00.000-06:00

Can you tell what I'm dreaming about?

You got it.....summertime...sweet summertime. Yes, I can almost feel the warmth. Oh, wait....that's from the wood stove just a couple feet away. *sigh* Apparently Mr. Groundhog says an early spring. I'll believe it when I see it. Early spring means early flood. Flood...our inevitable reality every spring.....you want to see pictures of the past couple years?....I'll post them in another post. Stay tuned.

In the meantime, please oh please enjoy a scrumptious turkey burger recipe that we've come to love. I know....turkey burger? It was a hard one to get past my husband at first. But this recipe is very tasty and John has actually requested it a few times. AND, considering ground turkey is much cheaper than ground beef right now (and much healthier)...well....
it's worth a try if you are looking for something different:

1lb ground turkey
1 egg
1 green onion
1 garlic clove
1/2tsp ginger
1-2T soy sauce
1T brown sugar
1T sesame seed oil
2tsp sesame seeds
1/2tsp black pepper

mix together and patty out for frying. *ground turkey is a bit mushy, so what I use is a large cookie scoop or ice cream scoop and patty it on the pan.
serve on a bakery bun with lettuce and tomato and cheese and you will be in heaven. SO TASTY!

Alpacas On Parade

2011-02-03T22:25:00.000-06:00

It has been a long while since I've written about our furry friends who live out back. Yes, they are still there. Yes, we still LOVE them! and YES, we are planning on adding to the herd in June.

This is a glimpse of their excitement on a typical day.....

They parade around the pen in single file down the snowblown path (thanks John!).

They LOVE visits from the kids. Although that has not been a very regular thing since we've been plagued with below zero temps as of late.

And they are all around doing really really well. We love "the guys" (as Wyatt so lovingly refers to them).

Minnesota Winter

2011-01-26T23:41:00.002-06:00

home...

A Discussion On Boobs And Life....

2011-01-19T21:47:00.001-06:00

Came across this article today and thought it was fantastic.
Can anyone relate?

Dancing in the Minefields

2011-01-11T16:11:00.000-06:00

I saw this video for the first time last fall and loved it. It made me cry. I was reminded of the words preached at our wedding. The homilist spoke of the cross that marriage is. Not the cross that marriage can be, but the cross that it IS. And the abundant graces and blessings that are given when it is carried TOGETHER and carried with faith. The beauty of the suffering that we all inevitably experience in more ways than one is astounding.
The song also reminded me of my parents. Two people who have suffered more in their short 35 years of marriage than many lifetimes of marriages combined. Two people who have carried their cross with such grace and faith it is INSPIRING. I always knew I was blessed to be born to them....to belong to them.....

I love you mom and dad. Thank you for your example.

Order From Chaos

2011-01-08T19:39:00.006-06:00

Today marks 1 full week into the new year. Can you believe it? Craziness.
Anyway, I have a few New Year's resolutions which include regular blogging, no biting my nails, and smiling more. But my #1 New Years' resolution isn't health/weight/diet related like 90% of most people. (Though I could stand to refine that aspect of my life a bit more...)
My resolution is simple: to achieve order and maintain it joyfully. Simple but certainly NOT easy. The intent was mostly practical but then I remembered my spiritual director years ago say to me, "Theresa, exterior disorder reflects interior chaos..." Which is as true today as it was 8 years ago when she said it to me. She is a wise woman. And so my quest began after the Christmas hustle and bustle ceased.

Order from chaos (in all aspects of my life) is a tall....TALL order to fill. Where does one begin?

I am not completely overwhelmed with the job...though most people would be if they really looked at my life. I know I have the tools and possess the know-how but what I lack is DISCIPLINE. I.Am.Lazy. And laziness is an ugly hideous vice that slithers into every single aspect of a person's life (when it isn't kept in check). It is dangerous and disgusting and it has gotten a bit out of control for me these past few years.

The weapon of choice?.....a book. Yes, a book. I've read this book several times over the past 4 years. I've applied a few of the ideas in it though I always made an excuse that it didn't really apply to me yet because my kids weren't old enough to apply the techniques mentioned. Yeah right. I was just lazy. Looking for an excuse. Anyway, it is a fantastic book and I am going to pick it apart and apply it because I KNOW it will help. I've LIVED a similar lifestyle before and there are immense blessings that come from it.

Seeking to order my extremely disordered tendencies is going to kill me. And I say that quite literally. But I know without a doubt that God is asking me to put forth an complete and sometimes heroic effort to achieve this....NOW. I say heroic because lazy people like me tend to do something half-assed or begrudgingly incomplete and almost seek out a reason to bail or flee at the first sign of conflict or obstacle. The author makes a wonderful point by saying, "YES!, God will bless the effort. But He needs to have an effort to bless." And by effort she means a whole-hearted, fully dedicated effort to change. A complete dedication of my WHOLE self to my vocation. It is there that the graces and blessings are waiting.

And that is what the first 2 chapters of the book are about. They are beautiful and motivating and provoke thought, excitement, and change (for the willing and mold-able soul). This week as I dive into chapters 3&4, I focus on my vocation and my daily response to God's call by

*****doing what I ought to do with a joyful and willing heart....and pure intent...

And so by the grace of God I go. Because only with Him is this even remotely possible. ;-)

On My Mind....

2010-11-25T11:21:00.000-06:00

"Your love for God is only as great as your love for the person you love the least" --Dorothy Day

Be Radiant

2010-11-10T13:45:00.000-06:00

Radiant Magazine is a Catholic publication for the "fun, fashionable, and devout woman." I happened up it because a friend (over at In Honor Of Design) happens to be the graphic editor/designer.
This article is beautiful and I felt like I had to share. It is not only for those single women looking for Mr. Right, but also for those of us who are married. It was that subtle reminder that even though I found my One And Only, modesty goes beyond impression. It seeks to glorify God in the person that you are. It doesn't stop at physical beauty but rather encompasses the whole person. What a wonderful reminder of what modesty is, what it is intended for, and who it ought to glorify. I invite you to read the article and the many others that grace the pages of Radiant Magazine.

p.s. it is written by a man who so eloquently makes a very strong point. Take a look...

Banana Bread Nostalgia

2010-11-03T15:07:00.000-05:00

I remember as a kid the comforting routine of my day. Wake up to an all too familiar jingle that WJJY radio station played every morning around 7:15am....

"Good morning good morning good morning
it's time to rise and shine
Good morning good morning good morning
I hope you're feeling fine
it's time to get up and get out of bed
it's time to get up you sleepy head
the day is coming just for you
and all your dreams....
are coming true..."

Anybody else remember that one? This is what I heard every morning as I made my way downstairs. And as I entered the kitchen I'd be greeted by my all-too-perky-morning-loving mom flipping pancakes or making eggs or some other form of yummy hot breakfast. You see, hot breakfasts happened almost everyday. I know I know.....I was lucky. Aside from the fact that my mother loved us oh so much to get up before everyone, cook up a wonderful breakfast, and clean up after everyone left (we didn't get a dishwasher until....mid to late 90s), it was a matter of economy. My giant sized brothers (I had 3 of them) would each eat a box of cereal, a few pieces of toast, and a half gallon of milk if my mother didn't offer something else. It was necessity. On occasion.....okay, maybe once a week or so, there would be cinnamon rolls or banana bread waiting on the table just begging to be.....INHALED. She is a saint, my mother. Truly truly the best.
There is just something extraordinary about my mother's banana bread. She swears she does nothing special and it is a basic recipe - which it is.....probably Betty Crocker or something. Perhaps it is the pan. Or maybe it's the kitchen. Who knows. When my great-grammy died there was some conflict over a certain roasting pan she used for her famous "soft chicken". Everyone thought if HER pan was used for HER recipe then it would magically be like SHE made it. Not so. The pan does add to the nostalgia of soft chicken served on a cold winter night with the sweet cackle of Gram's laughter coming from the kitchen. But really?....it wasn't the pan. No. It isn't the recipe or the pan or the kitchen or even the cook. What makes food.....homemade food so wonderfully delicious and irresistible is the love. The love with which it is made. The love for whom it is prepared. And the love with which it is served. Sounds cheesy. But it is all about the love. Ask anyone who grew up on homemade food.
Back to the banana bread. It is a tried and true simple recipe and when it is used with the sweetest of intentions and made for those you love, it tastes as if it were dropped from heaven. Seriously....just try it....with any recipe. OR you can try it with this one:

1.5c butter
3c sugar
3 eggs
7 ripe bananas (black, squishy, and almost juicy)
1/2c milk (soured with 2tsp vinegar)
1T baking soda
1tsp salt
6c flour (mix 5....add 6th)

whip the butter, sugar, and eggs together. add the bananas and soured milk. add baking soda and salt.
mix in 5c flour until moist then add 6th cup.
pour into 3 large greased bread pans and bake at 325 for 1-1.5 hours. they are done when toothpick test comes out clean.

ENJOY.

Sweet November

2010-11-01T15:57:00.000-05:00

I cannot even express my giddiness over the fact that today is November 1st. What is the reason for such giddiness, you ask? Well, let me tell you. September and October were insanely busy months for us. September being chucked full of harvesting our own garden, canning, getting things cut, raked, and cleaned up for the upcoming winter months, canning, lots of overtime for my husband, canning, adjusting to 3 school days a week for Hayden, canning, etc. etc. etc. I think you get the idea. All I looked at in September was tomatoes in my kitchen, tomatoes in my garage, tomatoes in my garden waiting to be picked, canning jars in my cupboards, lids all over my counters, filled jars waiting for a place to be stored for the winter, and utter chaos in my kitchen.

October was not much better…..actually it was much worse because not only was I STILL canning and cleaning up the garden, my husband was working extra hours at work and on his “days off” he was working 12-15 hour overnight shifts driving beet wagons and tractors for the farmer next door. There was literally about 8 days when I did not see him more than 30 minutes a day. Poor guy worked his butt off, slept very little, ate like a horse, and still managed to keep some level of sanity. I love him. Have I ever posted that?….I.LOVE.HIM.

So now that September and October are behind us, what I have to look forward to in November is utter sweetness: bitter frigid cold…..and probably snow. Yes. I admit it. I am overjoyed that the freezing winter months are finally here. I know, I know……..I’ve walked off the deep end. Truth is, I’m excited for the cold because it means no more major projects outside. It means that I get to see my husband more hours of the day. It means that he can relax a little bit and maybe take up a hobby and de-stress. It means that the only things that will steal my husband’s attention away from the warm inviting inside are the animals, moving snow, or splitting wood. I love the winter for that simple reason.

I say bring on the subzero temps. I long for snow days and closed highways. The snow can’t come soon enough. I’m ready. Our jackets are out, everyone has boots and thermal-wear. We are ready.

SMILE.....It's Monday!

2010-10-04T12:22:00.002-05:00

I have to post this. A friend shared this on Facebook and I laughed hysterically. Hope you enjoy!

Okay, just checked out the original video. I've never watched it before and I have to say it is pretty darn twisted. Kinda creepy actually. But it does make the guys version that much better. ;-)

Lonely Farm Wife....

2010-10-03T12:57:00.000-05:00

Sugar beet harvest began at 2am on Thursday. That means that most of the local farms are running (darn near) 24 hours a day harvesting and hauling. That means that the highways are overpopulated with large beet trucks the size of semis. That means that they are in charge no matter what.....you don't drive too close, you rarely pass, and you do not cut them off. They rule the highway right now and if they are left alone they do pretty good. Beet harvest makes me not want to drive anywhere unless I absolutely have to.

This year is especially exciting. Apparently (if the rain continues to stay away), this year may be one of the largest harvests in history here. This is big. HUGE actually. And oh so exciting. Though the rest of the country may continue to struggle economically, this small town and many of its inhabitants will most likely thrive this year. Praise God. Praise God. Everyone works so stinking hard around here......they work, they take pride in manual labor and caring for their land, their equipment, their community food shelves, community life in general. And, though we are not farmers by trade, we most definitely share in their joys and hardships......hard winters followed by intense spring floods followed by planting and growing and finally the harvest. 'Tis a beautiful cycle. It truly is.

Anyway, back to beet harvest. The farmer across the road asked John for help this year. And of course, being the incredibly hard working and charitable man that he is, John jumped a the opportunity to help. John's days since Friday have gone something like this:

Friday - 3am wake and head to Jays for 2 hours, stop at home for coffee and food and head to Cargill to work 6am-6pm; workout til 7:30pm; bed by 8:30pm

Saturday - 2am wake and head to Jays for 3 hours, stop at home for coffee and food and head to Cargill to work 6am-6pm; workout til 7:30pm; bed by 8:30pm

Sunday - 2am wake and head to Jays for 3 hours, stop at home for coffee and food and head to Cargill to work 6am-6pm; home by 6:15p; eat, play, and in bed by 7:30pm.

Monday - 12:15am head to Jays 'til at least 2pm

And tomorrow isn't looking much better. I've tried to talk some sense into him but he's just like the farmers.....they do what they gotta do 'til the job is done and done right. And to be honest with you I am so proud of him for that. How blessed am I to have such a hard working man?!!! This afternoon I called him at work to express my concern over his lack of sleep and him working so darn hard. I told him that though I very much appreciate all that he provides for our family, I feel very inadequate and helpless. HE is the one out there working 18 hour days. HE is the one busting his butt to put food on the table and clothes on our backs. HE is the one providing for 100% of our monetary needs. I see how hard he works and it frustrates me sometimes that I am not out there too bringing home a check. His response was, "Theresa, you know like on Cars.....Lightning McQueen does all the races and gets most of the credit. But you know and HE knows he couldn't do any of it without a solid pit crew. You are my one woman pit crew. I couldn't do it without you to feed me, do my laundry, take care of my kids, and clean up my messes. ....... Thank you."
I melted. The whole analogy is kinda funny.....funny that he used Cars, but oh so cute because he was absolutely serious. I got what he was trying to say and it made me love him even more. That man swells my heart multiple times a day. Just when I think I couldn't love him more, he does or says something or just looks at me with his smoldering eyes and ***BAM*** my heart flutters and grows and I go weak in the knees. Every.Single.Day.

Beet harvest is here. And I miss my husband oh so much.

Over Abundance

2010-09-08T13:25:00.001-05:00

I absolutely love this time of year! Love Love Love. And I can hardly express the satisfaction in "harvesting" especially with such amazing fruits. We've been so blessed with such an abundance of everything. There is definitely much more than what we need.

*pumpkins (if you want a pumpkin just stop by and take your pick). I'm hoping to try my hand a canning some of it. We'll see how that turns out.

*tomatoes...I get about 2 baskets full every couple days. And it doesn't seem to be letting up quite yet. I must say, the soil here is like the Fertile Crecent of the midwest. AWESOME!

*wood. Though we do have propane heating, last year we decided to try to go 100% wood using our woodstove with the livingroom. I am happy to say last year was a success. It did get a bit chilly upstairs, but everyone has warm footy jammies and down comforters to sleep with, so it wasn't too bad. This year we are more prepared with firewood aplenty. The neighboring farmer decided to plow down a whole tree barrier that separated 2 of his fields. He was going to burn everything but thought to offer it to us first. Needless to say we...or should I say John and my brother have their work cut out for them for quite some time. This should last us a while.

We haven't even begun to dig up our potatoes. We planted an insane amount of potatoes. So if anyone needs spuds....come on over!!!!....they a huge, yummy, and there is a whole TON to share.

Oh Happy September to everyone!!!....my favorite season of all!

Homemade Yumminess

2010-09-06T13:26:00.000-05:00

'Tis the season!!! As I'm taking inventory of canning supplies in preparation for some huge mass canning days coming up, I realized how short on jelly we were. And then I noted how many empty jelly jars we had. AND THEN, I went freezer diving to see if I find some buried fruit that needed to be jellied. I found blackberries, blueberries, and strawberries. Plus, in the cupboard I found 4 jars of grapejuice my mom canned last year. I then dug around to find some fruit pectin, canning lids, and LOTS of sugar. Needless to say, we have been replenishing our jelly stash.

*the juice I found.

*I got 2 batches out of the 4 pint jars. Not bad!
note: I know it is kinda a canning faux pas, but I reused some lids I had. In theory they should still be fine, but my mom always told me to use new lids. I thought I'd try to reuese them (*just once*) cuz I'm cheap like that. ;-)

*after 2 batches of grape jelly I was hooked. I then moved on to the blackberries. One batch yielded about 4 pints. Not as much as I'd hoped but I can't complain.

I am finding that canning/preserving is rather addicting. I actually dread it every year because it IS a lot of work and it seems never-ending, but once I get going on it and see all the fruits of our labors, it is hard to stop until there just isn't anything left to can. For those fellow canners out there, you know what I am talking about. There is something intensely satisfying in seeing a pantry chucked full of homemade yumminess. Homemade yumminess that isn't riddled with high fructose corn syrup, msg, preservatives, and God knows what else. Homemade yumminess that comes straight from the backyard garden. Homemade yumminess that I don't have to go out and buy for a very long long time.....hopefully it will all last until this time next year (though we usually do run out by June).

Well, HAPPY CANNING to all my fellow canners out there. You are in good company! And for all of you who are on the fence as to whether or not to try it, ..... go for it! It is so worth it.

The Wheels On The Bus....

2010-08-19T14:23:00.000-05:00

We did it. After much prayer and discussion, we finally made the decision to enroll Hayden in preschool. We are fortunate enough to have the option of two Catholic schools. You may be thinking, "What's the big deal?" Well, it was between enrolling him in one of the schools or homeschooling. I've never been a huge fan of homeschooling. I'm not sure why. I know a lot of well educated, well adapted, successful homeschool families. However, as Hayden got closer to school age I began to see the benefits of it.....parents being the primary teachers, style of learning is different for each kid and can be adapted, obvious one-on-one education, efficiency, specialized education, etc. We knew public school was out of the question.
Over the past couple weeks Hayden has been expressing the fact that he is "almost 5" and can go to school soon. He wants to ride the bus and make new friends and carry a backpack and learn. John and I talked in depth about it and figured we'd better make a decision because the classes fill up fast and school starts in a couple weeks. With 2 slots open, we filled out the paperwork and turned in his application today to St. Mary's Learning Tree Preschool.
He was so excited!!!! I suppose most of my hesitation is maternal.....he's getting older and more independent.....I want him home with me. That and the fact that once he starts school I KNOW Yvette will be anxious to attend as well. (*they have a 3/4 yrs old preschool class too - so technically she could start in January*).
Yikes!!!!